RUTHLESS || XXXTENTACION STORY ||

09

KIITANA

"Kiitana."

"Kiitana, listen to me for a minute."

"Where are you going?"

"At least just let me take you home."

I stopped in my tracks, realizing that I currently don't have a ride, I'm sure that Imani isn't ready to go, and walking is a straight negative. I was willing to be around him just this once because I'll actually get something out of it, but I am not looking forward to him talking to me on my way home.

"You can take me home, but just please let me clear my mind for a sec." I sighed, brushing my shoulder pass him as I head back to the drive-way to his car, waiting at the passenger side.

The alarm from the car had went off to let me know that it's unlocked, I opened it up and gotten in and buckled myself down before folding my arms as I just stared through the window. The car had shook a little as he was getting in, the ignition had roared the vehicle to life before it began to move onto the road.

About twenty minutes later, we've arrived to the dormitory and by all means, I felt a warm feeling in my stomach as I was so glad to be back.

When he had parked the car, I had taken off my seat belt to open up the door, but as I was stepping out I heard him starting to talk to me. I didn't want to hear anything at all, so I just tuned him out while I pulled out my key card when I walked into the lobby to press the up button on the elevator.

I turned around and I nearly jumped out of my skin when I saw that it was Jahseh standing there, "Would you just leave me alone? I don't deal with people that try to play games."

"For what, I haven't done anything wrong. I don't understand why you're trippin'." He told me, a scowl forming on his face.

"You have a whole girlfriend, yet you're trying to talk to me. Do you not see what I'm getting at?"

He kissed his teeth, "She ain't my girlfriend, but I do fuck with her."

I looked at him with disbelief.

I can't believe he really thinks that this okay with him still fooling around with some chick, along with trying to, I don't know, get with me too?

"X, just yesterday you told that guy that I was your girl. I had just thought that maybe--"

"That we was gonna get together? Yeah fucking right, I don't even like you like that. Yeah, you may be cute, but being cute can only get you so far and that's me piping you down when I feel like it." Jahseh had cut her off with dry laughter.

My bottom lip had quivered and my vision became a little blurry as I felt my world become a whole lot smaller. I could see in his eyes that I saw a little regret, but his cold-blooded emotion is what was shown the most in them. I was saved by the bell from the elevator and stepped inside, pressing the fourth floor button.

"Bye."

~

All week I had been receiving calls whether it was from Jahseh apologizing, Ski asking for me and Imani trying to understand what was going on. Mani wasn't on campus, seeing that she was staying with her brother for a little while but she was still trying to get in contact with me. The only person that I've spoken to was my mother, and I didn't want her to break her neck by rushing to where I am to secure me. 

It doesn't feel good to be rejected, and should have known that it was his intentions all along, but I always went with the last bit of hope that I had at the back of my mind. I mean, look at me, I'm not sexually appealing to the eye nor am I wanting to. All I want is to settle down with someone, and move on with what life has in store for use.

That's it.

For what I can tell, is that he is a hot head and would say things that he'll later on regret-- that's what he told me in one of the texts I've read from him. I guess I may have tested his patience, but still I knew there was some truth valid in what he said the other day. I do forgive him, of course because I don't have it in my heart to hold grudges and I've just began to feel comfortable around him.

All I can do now is remove him from my like-like list, and just be all about me-- what I've been doing for the past eighteen years anyway.

Look on the bright side, my classes are going very well and I'm the nominee for the class of 2021's president, so I'm very happy for that. I've put in an application for this role over the summer, and as they are reviewing me for this semester, I think I have a high chance of getting the job in the next one.

My phone had rung again, and I was pretty fed up at this point. When I grabbed it and read the caller ID, it was from my beloved mother. 

"Hey, mama."

"I know that sound, what's wrong?"

Nothing could really get passed her, seeing that obviously knows me a lot more than I know myself.

I plopped down the bed, "It's just boy issues, I'll get over it."

"Didn't I tell you that you'd eventually lay your eyes on someone? Is he cute?" She chuckled into the speaker.

"I- Yes, he's cute. Well, to me he's beyond cute, but that doesn't matter anymore."  

"Oh, Lord. What happened?"

"We've been hanging out and stuff, but I recently found out that he has a girlfriend. But he says that she's not his girl, but what I saw was the total opposite of what he tried to justify." Laying on my back to stare up at the ceiling while went on a rant.

"Baby, they're friends with benefits." My mother had mentioned in a simple manner.

"Mama, I don't even know what that is."

I heard her take a deep breath, "They're just fucking with no meaning, no title."

I removed the phone from my ear really quick, looking at the lit up screen as if I'm not even believing my ears, slowly pressing the device back to my face. 

That's just crazy.

"That still doesn't make it right!"

"I know, Kit. You can handle this two ways; talk things out with him or let it be. It's up to you, you're a young adult now and you've got to make choices for yourself. I can give you all the advice in the world, but it's still your call. Either way, you will learn from every situation that seems difficult." 

I was chewing on my bottom lip a little as I listened to what she was telling me, and she was right about everything. I want to make things work with X because despite what he told me, I'm willing to move forward and expand at least our friendship. 

Nothing more, nothing less.

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Okay, it's been a looooooong time, but I needed some time to gather some inspiration and be consistent with the route I wanted to take this novel. Thanks for your patience! 

Plus, the reads for this book is amazing and I appreciate you all very much.

Thanks for reading.

-N.