"Monster" (evanxconnor)

1.

Trigger warning: includes mentions of drugs, bullying, fighting, suicidal intentions and selfharm. Continue at your own discretion.

Connor's POV
Connor slammed his locker closed, attracting the attention of many students around him. He glared back at them with a scowl. As he trudged down the hall, a slightly pudgy boy with glasses stopped a little ways in front of him, grinning smugly. The boys name was Jared, and he often decided to jeer at Connor to seem "cool" to his peers, despite the obvious size and muscle difference. "Hey Connor! Heard about you getting called down to Mr.Jones's office.. what happened, got caught giving someone a blowjob?" He snickered. Connor's fists tightened, taking a threatening step towards Jared. Jared backed away a few steps as Connor came face to face with him. "Chill out, I was kidding.. freak." he mumbled the last word loud enough for Connor to hear before walking off. Connor gritted his teeth in anger, turning and punching the nearest locker. Kids stared at him and whispered, and Connor turned and shouted. "You think I'm the freak? Fuck you!" he stormed off in the direction of the courtyard. He heard laughing as he slammed out the door into the small clearing filled with picnic tables. He was seething in rage at this point, and he made his way to sit below a tall tree near the edge of the courtyard. He dug into his pocket to retrieve a small baggie of weed and rolling paper. He rolled one up and lit it, sucking in and exhaling smoke through his nose. His mind whirled, making his vision red. Suddenly he heard the door open, and glared up to see a short kid with sandy blonde hair and a blue polo shirt. His cast was blank. He gave Connor a terrified look and tried to back out, but Connor slowly rose from his spot and stalked towards the boy. He cowered under the taller male, scared and obviously about to have a panic attack. Connor grinned. "What the fuck do you want?" He growled. The boy stuttered, trying to calm down. "N-nothing! I j-just came o-out here t-to get a-away.." he trailed off. Connor raised an eyebrow. "Get away from who?" He questioned, interested. "N-no one! It's n-not a big d-deal..." He whimpered. Connor stepped back, gazing at him. "Come here, kid." He said while motioning him to come sit under the shade of the tree where Connor had previously been. The boy scurried over, afraid of Connor. As they sat down, Connor asked, "Whats your name?" He looked anxious as he mumbled "E-Evan Hansen." Staring intently at the ground. Connor had knots in his belly as he gazed at him, he looked away as he caught himself admiring the boy's messy blonde hair. Shaking his head, he withdrew the blunt again and handed it to Evan. "Take a hit, you seriously need to relax." Connor instructed. Evan held it nervously, afraid of what Connor would do if he refused. So he slowly put it up to his mouth and inhaled. Immediately he went into a coughing fit, Connor patting his back gently. "That'll happen when you first start doing it. It'll go away eventually." He said as he took it back and took another hit before leaning back against the tree.  He looked over to see that Evan was starting to get a dazed look in his eyes, and Connor smiled a bit. He looked visibly calmer. "I-i feel weird.." he mumbled. He shook his head repeatedly to try and shake the feeling away, but failing. Connor rolled his eyes. "Just enjoy it kid." He closed his eyes and took in the sounds of the birds. About ten minutes later, he felt a pressure fall against his shoulder. Looking over, he saw that Evan had fallen asleep and his head propped up against his arm. Connor's face flushed red, not knowing what to do. His gaze grew soft as he stared at him, so calm and peaceful. He looked cute as hell when he wasn't an anxious mess. Connor jumped when two guys came out into the clearing, noticing the two boys sitting closely. "Now what is this? The school freak and the loser are actually friends? Or is it more than that?" He sneered. Connor's face scrunched up as he stood, jolting Evan awake. "Just what I expected.. the school shooter is a fag."  This threw Connor past his breaking point, and he rushed up and punched the kid in the nose as hard as he could. The kid backed up holding his nose, blood seeping between his fingers. "What the fuck, you freak?" He screamed as he stumbled away back into the school. Connor looked behind him to see Evan staring at him wide eyed. Connor felt his eyes moisten as he saw the fear in his eyes. He thinks you're a monster.. tearing his gaze away, Connor turned away and was beginning to head back in when he heard Evan yell after him. "C-Connor!" He ignored him and trudged through the emptying hallway towards the men's restrooms. He went in and picked the last stall, and sat down. Tears began to fall as he held his face in his hands. Shakingly, he opened his bag and withdrew a dull silver object. Connor stared at it for a moment, gazing at the red stains still left on it, now brown with age. He rolled up the sleeve of his black hoodie to reveal many crisscrossed scars all over his arm, some fresh and some old. Connor gritted his teeth as he slashed the blade across, letting out a tiny gasp of pain. Soon enough, the pain didn't bother him and he continued until his arm was now streaked red. Connor felt tears rapidly fall down his cheeks as he let out small choked sobs. He held his breath as he heard the bathroom door open and close. Fuck! No one ever comes to this bathroom.." Connor tensed as the pair of feet stopped outside his stall. "C-connor? Are you in there?" He recognized Evan's voice. "Go away, Hansen." Connor trembled. "Connor, p-please, let me in." Connor shakingly unlocked the stall door, and Evan pushed it open. He gasped in horror when he saw Connor's slashed up arm. "No!" He yelped, and grabbed a wad of toilet paper and wrapped it around his arm. Pushing down, he looked Connor in the eyes. "Connor.. w-why?" Connor turned his gaze away, his vision blurring. "Why the fuck not? All I am to everyone is a freak, who gives a shit if I died?" He responded flatly. Evan gazed at him for a moment before speaking. "I-I don't think you're a freak. You seem like a nice guy.. a-and I'd like to be your f-friend.." he looked down shyly. "thatisifyouwanttoyoudonthaveto-" Connor raised his hand, signaling for him to stop. "You're actually serious?" He glared into the boy's green eyes, feeling his face grow hot. Evan nodded and smiled softly. Connor sat there as Evan cleaned up his arm before rolling his sleeve back down. Standing up, he mumbled. "Thanks.." Evan looked up at the taller male, clearly shaking. Connor put his hand on his shoulder. "Do you, uh.. want to hang out later?" He asked. Evan perked up a little bit, nodding. Connor smiled, putting his bag down and scribbling onto a piece of paper from his notebook. He handed it to Evan. "Text me." He said over his shoulder as he left the restroom. Evan looked down and read what he wrote. Under the phone number, a single sentence was written.
"Thank you for saving my life."

Sorry for the relatively short chapter.. the next one should be longer. Chapter two should come out soon.