How it all Started (James x reader)

Our Story's not Over

She loved him. She really loved him. These letters showed that. Painfully, but very clearly. She had loved him for a very long time and he hadn't even realized. The tears running down James' face were not silent. By the end of the last letter, he was nearly sobbing. The other three boys could hear him and it took an hour for Sirius to get up and see what was making his friend cry so much. Surely, they were all sad, but they could usually get ahold of themselves after a little bit.

Sirius walked into the hallway and began to make his way to James' room, but once he was close enough, he could hear that the noise wasn't coming from James', but from Y/N's room. Slowly he turned to the girl's bedroom door, not entirely sure if he wanted to enter it or not. He had to though. He had to help James.

"James?" He asked quietly as he pushed open the door with a creak. The sight before him was heartbreaking. James, with tears down his face, was sitting on his lost friend's bed, clutching, old, now tear stained letters and wishing he could fix mistakes that were currently unknown to the writer of these confessions.

"James, what are those?"

"Letters. To me. From her. She loved me, Padfoot."

"She loved you?"

"She was in love with me."

"She was in love with you? Weren't you... ?"

"Still am."

"What about Lily? I thought you got over Y/N when Lily agreed to go out with you?"

"I broke up with Lily."

"What? When?"

"When Y/N didn't come back. I don't even know why, really."

Sirius didn't know what to say. He had known that James had been in love with their best friend, but he had no idea that those feelings had never gone away. And now he was wondering how he didn't realize that James had ended his relationship with Lily a month ago.

"I'm so sorry mate."

"For what?"

"Well, for not realizing that you broke up with Lily for starters."

"I didn't expect anyone to. We were all focused on finding Y/N."

"Still, we should've known. That and that you still loved her."

James shrugged his shoulders, "Hid it pretty well, I guess."

Sirius sat next to him in the mess of blankets. They sat in silence for a few minutes, the occasional sniff from James as he dried the tears on his face.

"You should go to bed, Prongs. Nothing's gonna get any better any time soon. There's no point in sitting here and reminding yourself of it."

James nodded his head and stood up to leave the room. Sirius followed him and they both went to their rooms. James didn't fall asleep for hours, he just lied there, trying to clear his head. Every few minutes, fresh, silent tears would slip down his cheek, soaking his pillow. After far too long, he finally began to feel the exhaustion hit him.

For the next week or so, James was quiet. He couldn't stop thinking about those letters and everything he could have done different. It was tearing him apart and he didn't know what to do. He wanted so bad to believe what everybody else thought was impossible. That she was alive. He didn't even try hoping that she was unharmed as he knew that if she was still out there somewhere, she was definitely hurt. Every time he thought of this, he thought of something she had said to him once. "If you wish hard enough, you can pretty much do anything. I know it sounds cheesy, but it works. Another way you can say it is you just have to believe your own bullshit and eventually something has to work out." He could see her wide, goofy smile in his mind as she told him this. He had laughed with her and told her that's not how everything works. Now, he was clinging to those words, hoping that somehow, she was right. She had to be.