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09

"Have you been sleeping well? Did you eat something bad? Are you overworking yourself?"

Jin rolls his eyes. "I literally work at Starbucks."

"Still," Jungkook stresses, "you never get sick. You must have done something."

Jin shrugs and buries his face back in his pillow.

"Do you want me to call Namjoon?" Jungkook asks. "I know he doesn't like me, but if you want – "

"No, no, don't bother him." Jin sighs. "He has work."

"You're more important than work."

"I don't want to bother him. He still has that project."

"So you're just going to wait for him until he comes home at 3 AM?"

Jin doesn't answer, but Jungkook understands.

"Unbelievable."

"Just drop it, okay?" Jin says pleadingly. "I don't – "

The door opens. A loud, boisterous laugh follows, obviously belonging to a female, and is accompanied by a low chuckle that make both Jin and Jungkook freeze.

"You're so pretty, baby," slurs a voice that could only belong to Namjoon.

"He's drunk," Jin whispers in realization. "God, no, no.."

There's a giggle. "Prettier than him, I bet."

"Of course you are."

Jungkook grits his teeth and Jin squeezes his eyes shut to keep the tears from falling.

The bedroom door opens and then Namjoon is staring straight at Jin, shock evident on his face.

"Jin," he says casually, the slur nearly gone from his voice. "I didn't know you were home."

"My car is parked outside," Jin tells him nonchalantly. He doesn't add that Namjoon is probably too drunk and preoccupied to notice.

"Right."

The girl standing next to Namjoon is rather pretty. She has long, perfectly straight blonde hair and sharp features. She has the kind of face that's for sure unforgettable, and if Jin didn't know any better he could have mistaken her for a model.

He wants to throw up again.

"Must be a tough project you've been working working on," he says lightly.

"Jin, stop it," Namjoon growls. He points at Jungkook. "Why is he here?"

"Yoongi drove me home because I felt sick," Jin tells him, "and Jungkook came over to make me feel better because I knew you were working and I didn't want to bother you."

Namjoon doesn't seem to have a response.

Jin laughs humorlessly. He feels a sick satisfaction when he says, "What's your excuse for her?"

Namjoon glances at her. It's like he's forgotten she was there.

"I think you should go," he mutters, and she complies, but not without shooting a victorious smirk at Jin. Jungkook uncertainly leaves too at Jin's nod, albeit glaring daggers at Namjoon.

Left alone, the tension is much thicker. Namjoon looks pointedly away from Jin, not wanting to speak.

Then Jin asks, "How long?"

"A week into the project."

Jin feels his world fall apart with those words. The sad smile that splits over his face seems to split his heart down the middle as well. "That's a long time."

Namjoon doesn't say anything.

"Am I not enough?" Jin swallows. "I know – I know I'm not pretty like her, I know I'm awkward and clumsy and weird and probably such a pain to put up with – is that it? Are you not happy with me?"

Namjoon grits his teeth. "Don't be like this, Jin."

"Like what? Upset?" Jin's blinking rapidly, but a few tears escape anyway. "I think I'm allowed to be. You – I trusted you, Namjoon, I trusted you – "

"Do you love me?" Namjoon asks suddenly, catching him off guard.

"What?"

"Do you love me?"

Jin hesitates, but there's no denying the truth. He knows Namjoon can see right through him, and he knows he's already lost this fight.

"Yes."

And suddenly he wants to hear nothing more than a sincere I love you too, wants to feel Namjoon's arms around him because they both know that even without an apology Jin's already forgiven him.

But Namjoon only sits down beside him on their bed, exhaling loudly, and says, "I know you do."

Jin bursts into tears, clapping a hand over his mouth in a futile attempt to stifle his sobs, and sinks lower into the bed. He can't breathe, and suddenly all he can think about is how gorgeous that girl is, how much Namjoon must have loved having her beneath him, how she must be so sweet and witty and hilarious and so much better –

"Jin," Namjoon says, his voice gentle, "baby, calm down. I'm here."

He pulls Jin into a a warm embrace, lightly stroking his hair in an attempt to soothe him, but it doesn't work the way it used to.

"You need to breathe," he says, pulling away to look at him and starting to panic. "Stop it — I swear to God, if you're messing with me – Jin, stop, please, you're scaring me..."

Jin jerks out of his grasp and pulls his knees to his chest, trembling. His lungs aren't working and he's in so much pain and he wants it all to just go away. He knows Namjoon doesn't care and doesn't want to be here because he doesn't matter and he's just a burden and it would be so much better if he was gone.

"Jinnie, darling," Namjoon says softly, reaching out and interlacing their hands. "I'm here, okay? I'm not going anywhere. Look at me – that's right, good – breathe like I'm doing. In and out, Jin, that's it, in and out. There you go."

He wipes Jin's cheeks dry, pulling the crying boy into his lap, and whispers, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, you know how I feel about you. What she and I have is nothing serious, I don't feel anything for her, and you know – "

"What do I know, exactly?" Jin chokes out through his tears, desperate, clawing for words he needs to hear.

Namjoon sighs, but he presses a light kiss to Jin's lips. "You know I love you."

No, I didn't know that, Jin wants to say, but he doesn't. He leans into Namjoon's touch, laying his forehead on his shoulder, and lets the other boy's heartbeat lull him to sleep.