Almost

the end | a/n

❤ 7/23/21: 💙

Leaving the notes below here as well since the alternative endings are still super interesting to me hehe

Yes, this ending was a lot more happy than the last one. I feel like this one was also less convoluted, but still thought-provoking. For anyone who's curious, the crush that inspired this story? (see notes below) Yeah, haven't seen him still xD But! I did find him on social media recently (he's almost impossible to find!)...haven't reached out yet though. You can probably guess why 🥺👉👈

Another thing I wanted to mention. Please, never lose hope. Even if isn't related to love...sometimes everything is a matter of time. The end sometimes is just the beginning. We just have to be patient. We just have to continue with our lives, and one day, life may surprise us. Change is the only constant ❤💙

Be safe, everyone!

-----

Old notes:

This was literally supposed to be just a simple, bittersweet story.

Oops.

What have I done.

OK OK, so honestly, I had about THREE different endings in mind. It was difficult to choose. Because once I changed the ending, I had to change a good chunk of the middle. *sweats*

So, I thought I'd share the alternate endings with you!

(And any questions you may have. I'm pretty sure I have all the possible plot holes covered - I think)

- Alt Ending One: There is no mention of Luana's mental illnesses. It's implied, of course, by the voice (Basil) in her head. She still talks to him first at the train station. They talk about the past, how their parting affected them, etc. Luana tells him she's going to the city for college. Basil tells her he's going away too for his Botany studies. The story ends with Luana being the first to leave, creating a kind of parallel to when Basil left first in their childhood. He asks her if they could see each other again. Luana reminisces all the regrets in her life; wondering if this would become one of them. It ends with her turning around and smiling, no response. It's implied her decision was based on her mental health, not love. (If you go back to chapter one, you can see that she regrets that decision)

- Alt Ending Two: In this ending, Luana and Basil's scenes from when they were kids doesn't exist. It comes to a surprise when Basil begins to monologue their childhood, explaining how back then he couldn't confront her. She was bullied, and he did nothing about it. In the present, the train station scene still happens. There's also chapter where Luana gets a surprise package from Basil. It's a new cat, and a note that encourages her to try to love again, even after the loss of her cat back when she was a kid. (heh, remember the frowny face cat she drew on the snow?) She starts to cry uncontrollably and SCENE!

- Alt Ending Three: Luana still has schizophrenia, but it is personified. All the scenes with Basil and Luana are all completely made up in her head (yes, even the ones in the coffee shop and train station). Learning about Basil's death triggered something in her, so every time she saw someone that looked like Basil, the hallucinating started. The train station scene is where it all ends. Basil finally tells Luana it's time to let him go and seek medical help. Luana agrees to a certain degree. He puts his hand on top of hers and begins to slowly fade away. And, yeah, they never go on an 'actual' date like the original ending. So you're welcome. :D (The other endings he's alive, but here he's dead)

BONUS: I was thinking of not even mentioning this one because it got so dark. I felt bad so bad ;_; But basically, the story was supposed to end with Luana and Basil at the train station. He's still dead. She's hallucinating everything. When the train comes, Luana actually takes it and decides to forget about Basil because she feels so overwhelmed by everything. So, when Luana arrives at the city, shit hits the fan. Basil's ghost is pissed. Aside from his usual monologues in her head, he says more... evil things now and, at some point, even encourages Luana to *trigger warning* commit suicide. And she does.

...

...

...

DO YOU SEE HOW HARD IT WAS TO STICK TO ONE ENDING!?!?

Random trivia:

The original story (without changing the main ending) took me a day and a half to write. That's it! But when I started writing alternative endings, it took me a couple more days.

- This story was based on a crush.

If you think Luana was unrealistic with her overreacting (imagining all those scenarios) for most of the story, well, then you're wrong XD Because I was like this at some point. No, I don't have schizophrenia, but the anxiety is real. As a teenager, I used to roll my eyes at people who believed in love at first sight. I'd literally sit them down and explain to them that love took TWO PEOPLE OF MUTUAL AFFECTION. Not just one-sided. But honestly, that term is so confusing to me now.

What I thought I felt, wasn't lust, nor was it love, but infatuation. I think. Yeah, that's probably it. I felt it all. The overthinking ("oh god, what if I'm bothering him"), the pounding heart, the blushing, the shaking, the-feeling-like-time-is-slipping-away-as-you-talk, everything. I wasn't even like this in my last relationship!

Granted, we didn't get many opportunities to talk (yes, we ACTUALLY talked and it wasn't an illusion!) because of our circumstance at work. But anyway, the regret I felt for not being able to tell him my feelings (mind you, I'm used to guys telling me how they feel, not the other way around) was something that still haunts me today. I'm not very good with conveying how I feel toward someone. But I'm a really hopeful person; and somewhat of a hopeless romantic. I haven't seen him in months. But I sometimes still wonder what could've been. If we'd exchanged phone numbers, would we still be texting now? Maybe even talking on the phone? I felt like when we first met, we had an instant connection... but maybe it wasn't like that for him? Maybe the spark was one sided. I never got to find out.

Sometimes I still imagine seeing him again. (Not as much as I used to, though)

I can truthfully say right now, being 24 years old and out of a very mentally exhausting relationship with my ex, that I still believe I'll find the one someday. It may not be the lucky guy that inspired this 70 chapter story (like what a lucky guy) but that's okay.

(Seriously, it's okay, but if he wants to show up again, that's cool too)

༼♥ل͜♥༽

LASTLY, I JUST WANTED TO SAY . . .

-

THANK YOU FOR READING!

-

also LOL AT ANYONE WHO SAW THIS AUTHOR'S NOTE PUBLISHED BY ACCIDENT AROUND THE TWENTIETH CHAPTER RIP

With Love and Anxious Thoughts,

Little Red & Little Blue
♥️💙