Break me free

chapter nine

Annas pov.

I lay there in the hospital bed under the thin pristine sheets, harry had gone to get coffee. My dad was in LA and was on his way back and my mum was at home ringing family. I felt so alone, the doctors had advised me to get some well-deserved rest but I couldn’t I was too scared to enter the dark nightmares that I would face if I allowed myself to fall into the deep sleep. My eyes were closing, my heavy lids dropping every so often, god I was tired. I hadn’t slept for 2 days now, I was terrified. Doctors didn’t realise this but harry did he was worried every time he saw me his brow furrowed together in a concerned frown. He was tired also his eyes were red and puffy from lack of sleep and the amount of crying he had done recently. All he kept saying was how sorry he was, I just shook my head and put my finger to his lips and told him it was my own, I did think it was after all. Flash backs kept filling my head of the night. I couldn’t remember the man’s face it was muffled and dark the image kept appearing. I tried so hard to put a face to the voice, I knew the voice I knew the shape of the man but I just couldn’t link the three together. Who would want to do this to me? And whose life had I ruined.  I was so confused, I kept thinking of how I was dreaming about harry, and how I felt like I needed him to help me. And then all of a sudden I couldn’t breathe and there was a man stood over me. Breathing heavily over my body, smirking through his pursed lips. I inhaled his deeply pungent alcohol filled breathe. Trying my hardest not to breathe again. The torturous feelings of his hot sticky breathe breathing on my neck, shuddering under his touch. His clammy palms roamed my body reaching for my neck and pulled the rope tightly. I saw my life flash before my eyes.

Numerous images entered my head, memories of such I recall;

Me and my brother aged 4 and 7, lay in the park by the duck pond. We had run away, our parents were arguing and we ran to the park, hiding in all the places until we collapsed exhausted onto the bone dry grass in the hot summer sun.

Me and my brother again aged 6 and 9 , we moved into our new house. My current one now. And were exploring we managed to get lost in our own home we had a laugh.

The day my best friend came over and my brother was asleep when we were 9 and my brother was 12 I found my mums makeup in the bathroom I decided to get revenge on my brother, me and Milly had made him look like a clown, one of the memories I’ll never forget.

That day I was heartbroken my first boyfriend when I was 14 broke up with me, I had cried into Scott’s arms for hours until I regained my composure and he took me to Nando’s. I really did have the best brother.

And then of course the night Dan raped me, Scott was so angry, he cried to me. And then headed out, the last time I saw him.

And then last but not least the day my life came crashing down on top of me, the day I lost my big brother, that day I lost my best friend, that day I thought I wanted to be dead to, that day I thought that I had no point of living. I was destroyed. I remember every word that the police told us clearly. I stared into space for so long remembering my big brother, the man that I loved so dearly knowing he was never coming back, knowing he would never hold me in his muscular arms and tell me everything was going to be okay again. Because now he was gone, nothing would be ok, not now not ever. Never again would I be able to move on.

Before I fell unconscious I saw the funeral, the day I said goodbye and cried my eyes out as I watched his coffin be lowered slowly into the ground beneath my feet, stepping forward and kneeling down I placed a simple rose on top and kissed my hand and touched the brown glossy wood. I allowed it to be lowered. A tear rolling down my cheeks as I said my final goodbye’s that pain in my chest killing me deeply and it has never left that empty half of my heart that used to hold him. I was lonely. I had lost him. I needed him, it was my fault. I looked around at all the tear stained faces, everybody stood behind me sobbing silently.

The very last thing I saw before everything went black was his face, smiling at me with such love, such passion, his big grin lifted to his eye’s. Before he whispered slowly.

‘’I missed you little sis, I’ll never forget you baby.’’