Pain & Pleasure

6. Scrutiny

Veronica's POV:

Whenever I feel confused and perplexed, I would go to central square park which is few blocks away from my house. I will watch the children playing around the swing and the merry go round and I feel happy for them.

They were innocent and pure from inside out. They didn't have any expectations in their life other than love and care.

I would watch how their parents were desperate to keep them clean and hygiene, away from those dirty sand and bug bites but they didn't care for anything other than their moment of happiness.

I watch them play, laugh and chatter among themselves. There is no room for lie and jealousy in them.

I wonder how the innocence of oneself grows up into such hatred.

Once in a while I get to spend my time with them and I cherish. The only thing that crosses my mind is, Charles.

He is just three years old and I couldn't get to spend my time with him. I only go home on weekend.

Ever since he is born, I left him with my parents and I get to work since Ryan is out of job temporarily. I did my best in psychiatry and I get more and more attached to it. Within a year, we earned a good sum and Ryan got a decent job, we became stable.

But his death shocked us all to the core. I took his death personal because it's my choice that costs his life.

After his death, my life changed completely. I decided to spend some time alone with my family. I couldn't heal broken souls as I am broken inside, so I took my own time and space to heal.

Once I became confident, I came back but I didn't expect my past to come knocking at my door. I left FBI for my good but then it followed me everywhere I went, till now.

All those old memories and emotions were too much for me to go through. I could still feel the pain of the bullet stinging in my leg.

The day I lost my badge, the day I left my career behind is the day I lost a part of myself. But then I bloomed again. I met Ryan, fell in love with him and we got married.

I remember the day Charles is born. I could still feel the happiness on Ryan's face when he saw Charles for the first time. I could still hear those deadly shots coming from my house and I watched Ryan, as his life drifted away from him.

I felt dead inside but when I see Charles, I didn't wanna give up on him. So I decided to face my inner fears and hurdles and in the end I conquered.

Now, I didn't expect Tyler to come to me. I shut him away from my life because I am afraid of myself. I didn't want him to see my insecure and vulnerable side. I felt insecure around him.

But the truth is, I was afraid to get close to him because of our bad past and we both know what will happen if we stayed. So I let him go. But now, I am happy to see him after a long break.

He is a charismatic playboy and I am not his type. Now that I have my son with me, I have to be more careful in seeing a guy.

I like to watch Tyler from a distance. Being close with him is like an adventure that consume us. Even though I can deny it, I secretly have crush on him.

Seeing him with other women just piss me off, I couldn't contain myself. Something in me induced after seeing him. I see myself struggling with emotions. I feel passionate, adventure, dramatic and I couldn't get over it.

Time flutters away as I am reminiscing about my past and it's been a while since I came to this park so I decided to go home.

As I am walking around the corner, my tummy growled. I decided to prepare my favourite dish tonight so I went for a window shopping since I am running out of groceries.