Letters to Alex

Chapter 1

Routine. This is what my life consists of. Order, and routine. I don't go outside much, not anymore, well except to walk to school. Before the accident I was very active in sports and outdoor activities. But ever since Alex left me I haven't been myself lately, I like to compare myself to a turtle hiding in it's shell. I wake up, and do the same thing I always do, go to school, come home, do my homework, stare out of the window, write to Alex, eat, sleep, and repeat. This is what I do. Every. Single. Day. And even though it's only been a month, I have already fell into the habit of my daily routine.

You must be thinking, how can a person that does almost nothing all day have any friends? I have friends, well I have a friend. Her name is Abbey. Or it was Abbey.

As of last Friday, my best friend told me she would be leaving me too. So here I am, sitting up in my bed, waiting for another day to start. After a few minutes, my alarm clock goes off, 6:45.

Since Alex left me I haven't been getting much sleep. I drag myself out of bed, walk into my bathroom, and take a good long look at myself in the mirror. My hair is knotted and the bags underneath my eyes are very prominent. With a sigh I turn to the shower and start it up, adjusting the water until it's just the right amount of hot and cold. I then strip down and get into the shower. I stand there, letting the water pour down on me. And I think. I used to wonder about school and boys. I used to think about my best friend and other normal teeenage things normal girls think about. But nowadays, I mostly just think about how Alex looks. I dont want to forget anything about him.

I stay here like this for a few minutes, and then I lather up with shampoo and conditioner. Once I finish my shower, I brush my teeth then go to my closet and pick out my outfit for the day. It's nothing too fancy just simple jeans and a plain dark blue t-shirt.
Then I let my hair air dry while I apply my make up, which consists of mascara and some nude eyeshadow. I do a once over in the mirror, and brush out my hair, it's long and falls down my back in it's narural waves.

Alex always told me he liked it when I wore my long hair down and natual.

Before I leave I grab my bag and a hoodie. I then exit my room and make my way down the hall to the stairs. But on my way I glance over at Alex's room and my eyes land on the red letters spelling his name, we stuck them on the door when I was six and he was eight. A sign hangs loosely just below them and it reads 'keep out'.

And for a moment, it all feels normal, I can almost see myself running up the stairs and pounding on his door, telling him he had 30 minutes until we'd be counted late, and mom would ground us. Alex always gave me a ride to school, and we were always late.

I shake off the memory and continue past his door and down the stairs, where I sit at the table in the kitchen. My mother sits by the window drinking her coffee. "Good morning." She says, her voice raspy. I know she's been crying all night, not just by her voice, but because I can hear her late at night when she thinks everyone has gone to bed. It's one of the things that keeps me up at night. "Where's dad?" I ask, but it sounds more like a statement. "He's already left for work." She tells me.

Since the accident, my dad isn't ever really home, he mostly works. He gets home late and leaves for work early, so I haven't had a real conversation with him in a month. "Where else would he be." I mumble to myself. My mom sighs but remains seated. She doesn't ask if I want a ride to school. She doesn't pack my lunch, or make me breakfast. She just sits there.

I grab an apple and eat it as I lace up my shoes, grab my phone, and proceed to head to school. "Wait." she calls, and I stop to turn to her. "I love you." She whispers. "I love you too." I tell her, as a silent tear rolls down her face. I sigh and walk out. She does this every morning.