adopted by zalfie (100% true story not clickbait)

chapter 1

i wake up. i'm sad. i'm always sad bc i live in an orphanage called brighton orphanage for little pp's. my life is so sad as my mother, father, and 1 year old brother (rest in peace jesus christ amen) were killed last week in a car crash.

i get out of bed. i'm still sad. since i'm the oldest in the orphanage (14 and lovin it!!😍💕😎yr9,,real friends🤙🏼😋don't talk to me😂👋🏼) i'm never going to be adopted. but there is one good thing in my life. zalfie. oh and my conveniently gay best friend chaque. he's 18 and like my older brother. but not, because my family's dead.

i yawn 'uhhhhh me me big boy', and start to get dressed for school.

i look through my wardrobe. although i live in an orphanage, i do have 87 matching outfits (with corresponding phone cases and shoes). but i pick out my boring school uniform.

once i'm changed i look in the mirror. i look so plain 'ughhh i hate this uniform!!😫😭👋🏼' i groan.

time for school. i make my way out of the orphanage an- oh hey look it's chaque across the road. 'hey chaque!' i shout over at him (at this point you're probably wondering how to pronounce his name. it's jack, but his parents wanted to make an original😍name💦(all the good ones were taken)). 'waddup j-dawg' he replies (my name is jessica sarah anne so that's what he calls me instead).

i walkover to chaque. 'hey did you see that hot boy down the road omg😍😍😍💦😋wat a peng ting i'd tap that💕😫😭,' he says.

'omg chaque ur so funny😂,' i laugh.

'what i can't help that i'm the gay best friend of the main female lead so the author makes themselves not look homophobic😂😎,' he states.

'fair enough,' i say.

oh look at that, we're at school.

i walk through the corridors when i'm stopped by mr smith. 'yo big smitthy👋🏼😂,' i say.

'please never say that to me again,' mr smith says in his monotone voice, 'you're needed to do a tour of the school today for some new parents.'

'oh okay,' i say. funny how it's my first day of school that y'all are reading about and there's already something exciting happening. what a coincidence.

i go down to the hall where the new parents are waiting. idk why they're here it's just convenient to the story.

'hmmm,' says my headteacher, mrs bizzledizzle, 'you can take this family jessica.' she points over at two people a man and a woman, who look oddly familiar.

'okay,' i say, walking over.

something looks familiar about thes- oh my god it's ZoeLaLa and AlfAlfBaby.

'OH MY GOD ZOELLA™ AND POINTLESSBLOG™ IS IT ACTUALLY YOU,' i yell in excitement, they're my favourite people ever!!!😍

'yeah jessica!!! it is! and we're here to adopt you!!' they say in sync.

'AAAAAAA OMG MY DREAMS ARE ALL COMING TRUEEEEE!!!😍❤💕😫😭💦,' i yell. i love yelling!!

the next day they pick me up, as books like these always move ridiculously fast and make no sense. before i know it, i'm outside zalfies😍 house standing with them.

'welcome to your new home!' says alfie.

~~~

a/n: how's it hanging big boys this is my new book that i'll be updating every😍day😍twice😍 as i love zalfie sooooooo much😍😍 i can name all their children😫👋🏼 step back fake fans🙅🏽🙏🏼😤. can we get 3000 votes for the next update???💕love all my subscribers😫💙

(also if you couldn't already tell this is just me taking the piss out of every single 'adopted by zalfie' book ever, and if you wanna read an actual good book featuring zalfie😍👏🏼 go check out my friend ManicWriter35 bc she's thirsty for reads)