Disclaimer: Not mine, of course.
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Of Slytherins and Snarky Portraits
When Professor McGonagall announced Harry's decision to accept the post of Head of Slytherin, no one could say they were particularly surprised by the reactions of the rest of the school. The entire hall had erupted in a volcano of shock and dismay from every table – including the Slytherins.
Only two of the students didn't look horrified by the news, and Harry felt a surge of affection for Alex at the Gryffindor table who gave him a wide grin and a thumbs-up (and was shoved off the bench by his housemates for the effort), and Daniel at the Slytherin table who looked at Harry with those large black eyes and tilted the corner of his mouth up in one of the only smiles Harry had ever seen on his pointed little face.
:-Merlin's balls, Harry,-: James murmured. :-They're going to eat you alive.-:
:-Yes, thank you, Dad,-: Harry said tartly. :-I can see that for myself.-:
:-Maybe you can change your mind.-: Lily paced up and down in his mind, radiating distress.
:-You can't back out now,-: said Sirius. :-You'll lose all credibility if you do. Besides, Marauders never back out of anything.-:
:-It wouldn't be backing out so much as – -: Lily began, but was interrupted by a gasp from the teachers' table.
"Good heavens!" Professor McGonagall exclaimed, flinging her chair back as the whole staff table lurched to its feet. Harry tuned back into the world outside his head and groaned at the scene before him.
It was not clear who had thrown the first roast potato, but it came from the direction of the Ravenclaw table and had hit a large Slytherin sixth-year boy on the ear. The Slytherin boy picked up his napkin and carefully wiped his ear, before raising his wand in an elegant gesture, levitating a giant vat of gravy to hover over the nearest bench of Ravenclaws, then, before any of the teachers could stop him, upending it over them in a thick brown wave.
What followed was the most impressive food fight the Great Hall had ever seen. The older Slytherin students lined up against their table, erecting a shield to protect themselves from the rain of gravy, potatoes, and boiled vegetables, while the younger ones skittered in between, retaliating as much as they could.
:-And that,- Harry told his family, :-is why I have no intention of backing out. Look at how they've all ganged up on the Slytherins. I'm not saying they don't have their bad points, but there are some good children in that House who are going to be discriminated against for the rest of their lives.- A little second-year Slytherin disappeared under a deluge of peas magically flung his way by four Ravenclaw third-years. :-You expect me to back off, Mum?-:
Lily sighed as Harry pulled out his wand and ploughed into the fray to join the rest of the teachers in regaining order. They flung body-bind spells right and left, targeting the older students first. Even so, it was a long time before every student in the hall was frozen - some of them in very incriminating positions.
"Never in all my years at Hogwarts!" Professor McGonagall's voice was magically enhanced and echoed around the hall. The students' frozen faces couldn't move, but Harry was aware that many of them were suddenly coming to their senses. He could tell by the wild looks in their eyes as McGonagall swept through their ranks, pausing particularly on those students frozen in the act of flinging food
"Look at yourselves!" she continued. "Are you proud of this? You call yourselves the noble Houses of Hogwarts – does this look noble to you? Three quarters of the school ganging up on the other quarter for nothing more than the fact they were sorted into a different House. You older students! I can see from here that there are three Gryffindor fifth years attacking two tiny Slytherin third years. Is this your famous bravery and nobility? I am ashamed to call you my House."
