Before 5sos

Chapter 4

The day had finally arrived. After literally a day of practice 5 Seconds of Summer would be performing their first gig. Not only would it be their first, but it would also be in front of a couple hundred people. Or at least that's what they all thought.

Michael was excited. It was about time someone recognized his talent. Luke was nervous, but excited none the less. His dreams were starting to come true. Calum was just going with the flow. He wasn't sure if this was what he wanted to do with his life when the band started, but now it seemed like he had made the right decision.

Ashton, however, was a nervous wreck. Sure, he had played plenty of gigs before this with 'Swallow the Goldfish', but this was in front of a lot more people. Plus, all of his previous gigs were in front of his family, so no one really paid any attention to his drumming. There were so many thoughts running through his head. What if he wasn't good enough? What if no one liked his drumming? What if he completely let down his new band?

He couldn't let that happen, so Ashton did what he did best. He plastered on a fake smile and tried to make it through the day. He decided it would be best to just altogether skip school. No one really cared if he graduated anyways. Plus, he just needed to make it to the end of the year, then he'd have his diploma and could do whatever he wanted.

He just wanted to waste the day away, so he wouldn't have to deal with whatever the night brought him. Calum, however, had different plans.

"Hey, Ash! I was thinking you could come pick us up and we could hang out and band before the show tonight!" Calum suggested, after calling Ashton. Ashton let out an irritated sigh. Hanging out with the three idiots he just met was the last thing he wanted to do today.

"Band?" Ashton asked, confused by Calum's wording.

"Yeah, you know, hang out and bond as a band. Banding."

"I guess I could." Ashton laughed. "You know what? You're one weird dude, Calum."

"I try."

///

"Why do you wear so many bracelets?" Calum asked later on after Ashton had picked everyone up. They were currently in Ashton's room since his house was the only place they could safely skip school at. Ashton flinched at Calum's question, gaining the attention of Michael and Luke.

"Oh you know, I just think they're really cool. Make me feel like a rock star." Ashton used the first excuse that came to his head.

"You know what? You're right!" Michael happily agreed. "I think I'm going to start doing that, and too!"

"So am I!" Luke exclaimed, not wanting to feel left out. Ashton smiled brightly at the two boys, but on the inside he was screaming. Calum had just asked him a question that no one could find out the truth about. The dark secret that needed to remain the way it was.

"I'll loan you some." Ashton laughed, opening a drawer on his nightstand to reveal tons of band bracelets. "Maybe they'll help us play an awesome show!" He laughed, as Michael and Luke began to raid his drawer to find the bracelets they wanted to wear to their gig that night.

"Calum?" Luke questioned, confused on why his friend wasn't taking bracelets to wear that night.

"I'm good. I don't really like wearing bracelets that much." He admitted, eyeing Ashton suspiciously. He didn't understand. Who needed to wear that many bracelets all of the time? Something didn't add up, and he was determined to find out what that was.

//

The gig went as good as it could have with only 12 people as an audience. Ashton had to laugh at himself for practically having a panic attack over it. He had even waited for his Mum to show up but she never did. That left him feeling slightly disappointed.

"So Ash? You wanna stay in the band permanently?" Michael had asked him afterwards.

"Sure." He had responded without thinking. Luke cheered happily that they finally had a permanent drummer, but Calum could only scowl.

"So, were you going to ask Luke and I if we wanted him in the band or do you just make all of the group decisions now?" Calum snarled, taking all three boys by surprise.

"What? Calum, no. I thought we all liked him." Michael defended himself.

"I'm sorry." Ashton apologized. "It was fun, but I think it's better if we went our separate ways. I don't want you guys to fight because of me."

"Ashton, don't." Luke sighed. "We'll have a talk with Calum. Swing by tomorrow?"

"I guess I could." Ashton faked a smile to Luke before leaving. Michael and Luke immediately rounded on Calum. It wasn't normal for him to be that rude to anyone, especially someone he had only just met and claimed to have liked.

"What was that about, Calum?" Michael demanded, Luke nodding furiously in agreement.

"I don't trust him." Calum admitted. "He's hiding something, that's for sure."

"Well, of course he is!" This surprisingly came from Luke. "We just met the guy. Is he supposed to tell us all his darkest secrets just like that?"

"No." Calum frowned. "I'm sorry guys, I don't know what came over me."

"Just try to be nice to him next time, ok?"

///

Ashton but his lip as he tried to make it home without having a complete breakdown. He thought that they were different. He thought that they wouldn't judge him or automatically hate him for being himself. He was wrong. Maybe it was actually him that was the big problem.

"Ashton? Baby, what's wrong?" His mother called after him as he stormed into his house. He ignored her. She didn't really care. He was basicallyher free babysitter, so she had to put up a false front for him. Ashton let out a sigh as he locked his bedroom door behind him so no one could stop him from doing what he needed to.

He ran into his bathroom and opened the cabinet. Hidden inside was a razor blade. His darkest secret.

When Calum had asked him about all of the bracelets he had been onto something. Pulling them all off, one by one, he revealed what that secret was.

His own scarred wrists.