Fuck you. Fuck you all. Because none of you bitches care. Nope don't stutter about how you do because you don't. So fuck you, if you made me think you did, or you 'helped me' by telling me it's gonna be okay and you're fine and you're not fat and that's stupid because it's all FUCKING LIES. To the bitch who found out I was cutting and said it was stupid and degraded me.... guess what?!
FUCK YOU, YOU BITCH.
You know if you slapped me or touched me when you did it and I somehow didn't flip you'd be just as bad as Calvin almost, but of course that doesn't matter does it? Because you'd always believe over me even when I'm breaking down right? Fuck you.
Hell yes I'm swearing a lot and if you don't like it piss off because you obviously don't understand me or my life. Not the parts you know of anyway. Maybe I've gone batshit crazy, but at least no one will pretend to help me and make me go to a psychiatrist where they get someone to shove meds down my throat. Well I'm going to a GP but hey they don't give a fuck, they don't even know what the hell the shit they're prescribing does they just follow what they're told.
You know I don't think anyone will even read this but if they do, congrats. Because you just managed to express more interest than my mother does in why I do the shit I do.
Mum if you do read this, this isn't your fault, you just made is 1,000X worse :).
You know I planned my suicide in lots of different ways and I'd finally figured how to do it well before you fucked it all up. And when you find out I have marks and cuts and scars what do you do? You yell at me and blame me for not being able to shave and all that bullshit when you were the one who decided to throw out everything sharp upstairs. But hey, it doesn't matter it's not like it'll make me feel like even more crap. Like I want to die more or run away more. I've thrown away part of my act, no one notices and if they do they don't care but either do I. Oh wow 393 words and I'm not done!
I have one person who remotely acts like they care, now they're an online friend and umm they deal with me and breakdowns and bullshit from both of our lives daily because I feel like they're the only people I can talk to. One problem. They can only be on till 10pm every night. I start to get bad at 11pm, guess what that means? I'm at my worst, alone, at night with no one who cares and guess what that means? I feel like more shit and I wanna die more and I hate more things and people and oh. I cut more. yup, because at that time no one gives a shit if I live or die, no one cares if I bleed, as long as there's not a mess no one gives a shit about me. Ya know what I think? I think when people love they do not love you they love how caring about you makes them feel themselves (that's a quote type thing) and it's true. Ughhh I'd be here for hours if I typed everything I think.
I'm gonna stop here bc no one really cares so I'll sum this shit up.
Fuck you and you and you and you and you and you and you and especially you. Sweet nightmares bitches.
