Breaking Hearts Still Looks Pretty Cool

Part 23

  "I can't believe that I'm actually going to spend the night on a real life tour bus," babbled Jessica. I knew that I was in trouble when she politely requested that she join us for as long as she could once we returned to America. What I didn't know was that even though she was staying for a mere 24 hours that she would render me murderous in 3 or 4.

"She's really not that bad you know," Annabelle hissed in my ear. She was right, of course. Jessica was totally amenable, and I was perfectly aware of how irrational I was being in my indiscriminate dislike for her. I wasn't sure if it was the fact that she was with Gerard at all (for they seemed to be a whole lot more official now) or the fact that she was so different from me that irked me, but I knew that I was in the wrong.

"I know," I muttered in response, but our whispered conversation was halted by Mikey's arrival. He held my hand and rested his head on my shoulder. "Hey Honey," he whispered,

"Hey," I said brightly, "pleased to be back in your homeland?"

"Sure," he answered, tracing circles on the back of my hand with his usually clumsy fingers, "what about you?"

"I wish there was more sun," I commented, observing the feeble effort the bleak sky was putting up outside of the window,

He chuckled, "Typical," he muttered, "would it cheer you up if I told you that in two days we have a night off?"

I didn't need cheering up, but I didn't bother correcting him. "Sure," I answered casually. It was only 9 in the morning, and therefore still too early to be too lucid.

"I was thinking we should go out alone for dinner," he said, his voice a bit firmer, "for sushi," he added, and I grinned, knowing how much we both adored sushi.

"Yes," I agreed more vehemently now, "that sounds really good,"

"Well, we haven't gone out properly since we became..." he seemed to be searching for the right word, "an item,"

"True," I answered, not wanting to confront the term 'item'.

Meanwhile, Annabelle had drifted off discretely, leaving Mikey and I sitting alone on the couch at the far side of the bus. He put his arm carefully around me, as if I was made out of porcelain, and I let my head drop onto his shoulder, knowing that that was what he wanted.

It bothered me how he always treated me as though I was about to break. I was used to being treated well, but like a human woman; Gerard always would hold me passionately without worrying about hurting me, maybe because he knew he couldn't...not physically anyway.

I remembered too late that I was forbidden from thinking about Gerard in any way other than as a friend and instead turned my attention to Mikey's jaw line, the only part of him in my line of vision. I traced it absently with one finger, and he grinned, doing the same to me, only allowing his hand to caress the whole of my face, as if he were committing it to memory.

"You are so damn pretty," he said meaningfully, and I couldn't help but remember all of the times that Gerard referred to me as beautiful or exquisite or stunning.

"Thanks," I smiled in response, trying to stop myself from thinking at all.

"I love you," he whispered, leaning forward to kiss me. I let him, hoping that he would forget that I hadn't said it back; the one thing I would not do was lie outright, and I knew that I was not in love with Mikey. I also knew that I could be, one day, in the distant future...

He broke away from me, staring intently into my eyes. I was filled with a desire to tell him what he wanted to hear, but I couldn't lie to those eyes.

"I know you're not ready to say it back yet," he said quietly, "and I don't expect you to, that's fine. I'm just telling you that I love you, more than anyone else can, and I will stick by you,"

He kissed me again.

I thought about all of the times that Gerard's lips moved with mine, and it was impossible not to doubt very much that those words were true. If Gerard's past actions were anything to go by, he had loved me much, much more.

I knew that I had only myself to blame for the deprivation of that love.

"Hello you lovebirds!" Ray called across the whole of the bus, "it's sound check time!"

"New venue, new kit, same old same old," said Frank loudly, flexing his fingers as he stood up and bounced on his feet to pump himself up.

"This sounds exciting!" exclaimed Jessica,

"Believe me," Annabelle replied knowingly, "It isn't,"

I carefully extracted myself from Mikey's grip, "seriously, we've been hearing them mess around with guitars in our garages since high school; it's enough already!"

Gerard nudged me playfully in mock reproach, and I felt winded by the physical contact.

"Well I want to go," said Annabelle sniffily,

"And you can!" replied Gerard, and I thought I caught him rolling his eyes at Frank.

"Forgive us if we stay behind," Annabelle chirped, falling back onto a nearby couch.

"See you later!" I called after their retreating, grumbling backs.

A few minutes of companionable silence passed as Annabelle checked her blackberry and I sent off a poorly completed essay to a tutor.

"Hey ladies?" called Terry, one of our two faithful bus drivers,

"Yeah?" Annabelle and I answered in unison,

"You're not expecting to go anywhere are you?"

"No," we chorused,

"So it's ok if Dave and I leave the bus parked up here and run out? It's just..."

"Oh no you don't need to explain," I said kindly, "you do so much for all of us, just go. I think we can be trusted to hold the fort,"

Dave grinned at us, and Terry eagerly hauled himself out of the driver's seat. "Don't drive away, ok?"

"Can you really see me have the ability to steer this huge bus correctly?" I asked sarcastically,

They both burst into raucous laughter, joined by Annabelle.

"No," they answered, closing the bus doors carefully.

"Just you and me," Annabelle grinned, "how's things? It's been forever since our last catch up,"

"I know," I agreed, "it's always us and Jessica," I said her name in a mocking, high-pitched way.

"Don't be mean," she said in a scolding way, although she was suppressing a giggle,

"Sorry,"

"What do you want to do today? We have a few hours without boy involvement!"

"Let's do something really girly," I grinned,

"Like nail painting?" she suggested,

"Come with me upstairs and we'll pick out colours,"
I carried my many nail polishes with me everywhere; and I was in possession of every colour imaginable, in almost every shade. There was nothing I loved quite as much. Annabelle and I leaned over my case of jewel-bright colours, making a selection, when the sound of the bus's doors opening reached our ears.

"They were quick," frowned Annabelle, and I assumed she was referring to Terry and Dave.

"Yeah," I agreed, making to cross the upper floor.

"Hello?" called a gruff voice. It was vaguely familiar, but not in any way I could put my finger on.

"Who's in here?!" shouted another harsh voice I did not remotely recognise.

Annabelle and I exchanged bemused looks and made to head down the stairs, but we were beaten to the punch.

Three burly-looking men dressed all in black with terrifying ski masks on had headed up the stairs to greet us.

"Excellent," the biggest one said,

"Hello darlings," said another,

Underneath us, the great bus shuddered into movement; there had to be someone else driving.

I noticed the gleaming gun tucked into the biggest one's belt first, and it made me feel faint. It was hard to believe that just a few hours previous I had been worrying and wondering about who out of the Way brothers had loved or loved me more.

"Why are you here?" asked Annabelle faintly,

"Well, it would appear that we're taking you hostage, wouldn't it?" said the man who had not yet spoken, in a perfect imitation of politeness.

I felt my knees buckle, and my head blacked out; I barely felt my body as it felt haphazardly down the stairs, and with a knock of my head against the ground, I was out.