Without you // Marcus & Martinus

3

I didn't sleep all night, and didn't go to school the next day.

Or the day after that.

Or the whole week.

I haven't been to school for two weeks, but I don't care. During this time I haven't eaten, slept, or gotten out of my room. I've lost a lot of weight and the bags under my eyes can reach the floor. My hair is greasy and my eyes are swollen and red from crying.

I still can't understand how Marcus can be gone. I wake up in the morning, today is my brother funeral. I put my tux on and leave my room for the first time in two weeks. Of course mom has brought me food every day but I just haven't eaten it. During these weeks I have eaten what I should eat in like two or three days.

I sit on the backseat, I didn't even brush my hair. Marcus and I are supposed to have an interview in two weeks.

Well, I'm going there alone. I'm going there only because the fans deserve to know about all this.

in the church I just sit there quietly staring at Marcus' coffin. It's white and there's lots of flowers on top of it. Tears stream down my face slowly and I wipe them on my sleeve.

After the funeral, when I get home, I go to my room and take my tux off. I go under my blanket.

I don't go to school on Monday or Tuesday, but on Wednesday I wake up ten minutes before school starts and go to class late.

Everyone is staring at me, but I just take my seat without saying anything.

''Martinus I'm so sorry for you.'' The teacher says. I don't react. ''But now, take out your books and the page 130.'' She continues. I take out my book and sigh.

When the class ends I get out of the room quickly and go sit on the corner. Someone sits next to me.

''Martinus I'm so sorry.'' That someone says. It's Sandra.

''You've lost a lot of weight.'' She says.

''Well I haven't eaten or slept well in over two weeks so I'm not that surprised.'' I sigh. She hugs me comfortingly.

''Marcus' death is my fault.'' I say quietly. Sandra just stares at me shocked.

''What do you mean?'' She asks.

''We were fighting and I started it. All of our fights were my fault. And now it's also my fault that Marcus is gone. He ran out the house and got hit by a car.'' I explain and feel a tear rolling down my cheek.

''Hey, it's not your fault, it's the guy's fault who drove over him.'' Sandra tries to calm me and wipes the tear with her thumb. I just get up and go to the bathroom locking the door behind me.