All My Pieces

Don't Wanna Call You In The Night Time

A week after my attempt and I finally had my first therapy appointment. I was debating turning back, but then I remembered how much this meant to Jenna and Josh. I was in the waiting room now, worried about what would happen.
"Tyler?"
I looked up and saw my new therapist. I hesitantly got up and followed him to his office.
"Would you like to tell me why you're here?", Dr. Heaton asked
"Um, my two friends thought it'd be a good idea. I don't really want this", I said quietly.
"Why do they think it'd be a good idea? They must have a reason.", he stated.
Silence.
"Would it be better to write it down?"
"Uh, yes please", I murmured.
Dr. Heaton hands me paper and a pen, and I slowly start writing. I write about high school, how my parents forced me to see a therapist, and how once I turned 18 I stopped. I wrote about how I thought I didn't need it, how I didn't want it. How these past 5 years have been miserable, so I tried to kill myself for the third time since I was 17. He finished reading it and I panicked, I almost left until he stopped me.
"Tyler, I think it's very important that you came to see me. What are your friend's names who convinced you to come?", He asked.
"Josh and Jenna." I stated blankly.
"Do they mean a lot to you?"
"They're the reason I've stayed alive this long", I quickly said.
"How about this, next time you feel like doing something drastic, call one of them. Call one of them even if it's just a bad feeling. They care for you and want you alive."
"Maybe", I said as I walked out.
Later that night, around midnight, I was alone in my room. I felt bad, I didn't want to be here. Could I call Josh? After 10 minutes of thinking about it, I finally did.
"Hello? Tyler, are you okay? It's midnight. Do you need me to come over? Should I call Jenna?", Josh shoots all these questions at me.
"No, you don't need to call Jenna. I'm just not feeling well, and my therapist suggested I call one of you when things get to be too much."
"That's a good idea, I'm proud of you for reaching out. What's got you down?", he asked me.
I stayed silent, then quickly told him I was going to sleep and that I shouldn't have called, and hung up. He tried calling back, so I turned off my phone.
The next morning I wake up to multiple missed calls and texts from Josh and Jenna. I shouldn't have called him, why'd I do that? I don't wanna call anyone, especially in the night time. That's my time, my time to think and be alone. I may just need someone though.