[RECAP: Leonie and Father Gabriel just went past the point of no return...]
"I didn't mean for that to happen so quickly," Gabriel said as they lay together, their bodies warmed by the fire and one another. "It's just that with wanting you for so many months, it was hard to stick to my better intentions."
Leonie was completely happy with what they had done. She could die happy now, she thought. "I'm glad you didn't stick to them," she told him.
"No regrets?"
"No regrets." She felt a little sore physically, but it was absolutely worth it. "I love you. I wanted you to be my first, even if you're going back to the priesthood forever."
Gabriel was silent for a while.
"I'm not going back, Leonie. I'm leaving."
She hardly dared breathe, both thrilled and terrified at the implications of this. "You are?"
"Yes. Though I don't want you to feel pressured by that," he told her. "It would have happened anyway. Meeting you was a kind of catalyst, perhaps. But I've come to realise that if I was meant to remain in the priesthood, to remain single and celibate, I could never have fallen for you as I have. If it was just sexual attraction it would be easy, but it's not."
He looked down at her. "I'm completely in love with you, Leonie. I want to spend every day with you, cherishing you, making love to you. The thought of being apart from you when you fly home is wrenching me. At the same time I don't want to hold you back. You're only eighteen..."
"...nearly nineteen," Leonie pointed out.
"Which is hardly any better, is it? You haven't even finished school yet. You haven't started out in life. You'll change, and what you'll want will change."
Leonie didn't know how to convince him, but she knew to the very fibre of her soul that her feelings for him would not alter. "So what do you want? If you're not going to be a priest anymore, what will you do?"
Gabriel sat up and pulled her next to him, cradling her against his chest. "One thing that the past few months has also made me realise is how much I love teaching. Before, I wanted to work in some kind of inner city mission. I'd still like to do that but in a teaching role. Whether that's literature or basic literacy."
"Do you think you could do that in London?" Leonie asked.
"In any big city. But if there's a reason to be in London then I'll try to make that happen." His eyes met hers as he said this.
Leonie didn't really know why she had mentioned London, since thanks to Suki Laverne there was zero chance of her studying in the UK now. London was a super expensive city to live in. She would have to go back to the states and figure out something there.
"So if we were both in London, we could keep seeing one another?" she asked.
"Of course. Even if you're not in London," Gabriel said. "You'll have your pick of colleges, having graduated from both and American and a British high school."
Leonie didn't answer. It was getting uncomfortably close to the thing that she didn't want anyone to know. She was certain that Gabriel wouldn't have gone near her if he knew. He would be disgusted. He would drop her like a stone.
He sensed her mood change. "Are you okay?"
"I'm fine." She tried to make it sound as though she was, to make her voice bright. Where was her acting ability when she needed it? But Gabriel wasn't taken in.
"Something's wrong, isn't it? If you're having regrets it's okay."
"It's not that." She couldn't tell him. He would despise her.
Gabriel tilted her head back to face his. "What is it?" He saw tears in her eyes that she was trying to blink away. "If you're worried about something, please tell me."
"I just didn't do so well at high school, is all." Leonie couldn't bring herself to confess more than this. She felt like she was lying to him by not telling him, but she couldn't face his reaction to her past.
Gabriel was surprised. "You're doing very well in English, I imagine you'll get a top grade if you keep it. It's hard to imagine you not graduating with honours."
Leonie wanted to change the subject so she reached up and got him to kiss her. Gabriel slid her over his lap so she was straddling him.
He ran his hands up and down her body, his thumbs brushing her breasts. Leonie felt totally relaxed being naked with him. It was like being Adam and Eve, sitting there in the firelight. She put her hands against his chest, feeling the hard, sculpted planes of his muscles.
Gabriel was ready for action again within seconds. He took her hand and wrapped it around him. "I want you, but I know it's going to be too soon for you."
"It might not be."
He flicked a finger between her legs, making her writhe and catch her breath. Swirling his thumb around more firmly, he soon had her panting and wanting more. He got her to wrap her arms around him and kiss him while he reached for protection and slipped it on.
"Just take it at your own pace. And if it hurts, then stop. I don't want to wear you out," he told her, a smile crinkling his eyes.
Her arms around his neck, Leonie lowered herself onto him. It did hurt a little but she was determined to do this. He was rock hard which made it easier.
Then they were face to face, inside one another, joined. Looking into one another's eyes. "You feel absolutely incredible," Gabriel told her.
"Do I?"
"More than you can ever know." He started rocking her on top of him with infinite gentleness. In this position he felt so deep inside her.
It was intense. It transcended all Leonie's fears and anxieties, and let her blot the past out. She felt safe with him even as she felt sparks and waves of arousal rippling through her body. Every part of her seemed to be connected. If Gabriel kissed her neck, her breasts ached for his touch. When he slipped a hand between her thighs, stimulating her exactly where she needed it, it sent jolts through her stomach.
"I love you, Leonie." His blue eyes were fixed on hers and it made her feel even more shivery.
"I love you too."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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