𝔸𝕣𝕚𝕒𝕟𝕒 𝔾𝕣𝕒𝕟𝕕𝕖 𝔼𝕩𝕡𝕖𝕣𝕚𝕖𝕟𝕔𝕖𝕤

#62

A/N

Soooooo...sorry for any mistakes didn't proof read😬 But please enjoy..🌺

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Ariana Grande & Normani kordei -Falling to Pieces
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I was laying curled up on the wide, empty bed, still feeling my body trembling. The room was dark and quiet, way too quiet. It was probably somewhere around four in the morning but I wasn't sure and frankly, I couldn't care less about it.

My head was buried into the pillow while I was crying my eyes out like I had been for hours. Though I was more than exhausted, I forced myself to keep my eyes open simply because every time I closed them I recalled Normani and I screaming at each other tonight.

My heart had been hurting like hell, but now, it just seemed numb. Like the pain was too heavy for me to even feel it properly, so instead, my body had just shut down and left me frozen.

We'd never had a fight like this before, it had never been this bad. Sure, we'd had some bickering here and there, but tonight, everything just spun way out of control.

Normani had been so angry; I could barely recognize her during our heated moment. Doors had been slammed, plates had been thrown and words, we couldn't take back, had hurt us both brutally.

If that wasn't bad enough, our fight had ended with Normani smashing her hand down our dinner table and me screaming at her to get out.

She had been gone for hours now, the longer she wasn't here, the more I sobbed.

I understood why Normani got so angry with me sometimes. I understood she thinks I'm being irrational whenever I shut her out of my head, but it just wasn't easy for me to talk about my feelings.

It wasn't because I didn't want to let her in, but I struggled trusting her intentions, even after all these years together.

The problem was, I never really told her how I felt and that's exactly what drove Normani crazy, not that I blame her. I get it, actually, I just can't help it. It's like I don't even have control over it.

Sometimes, I pushed her away. I become so afraid of losing her that my mind is screaming at me to get out while I can, to get out before getting hurt. At least this way, it will never be her hurting me. Then as always, it will be me hurting me.

I just never really felt good enough for Normani , I've never felt like I deserved her love. I mean, she is more or less the loveliest human being on this earth and I didn't feel like I could even give half of it back.

But with me not talking to Normani when I was upset and afraid of losing her, my feelings would just boil around in my head and suddenly blow up, they had to at one point.

And tonight, was apparently that night.

I hated doubting Normani , I hated being this insecure about our relationship. I hated that I felt like I was always just one step away from losing her without even having a valid reason for feeling like that.

I turned around in the bed, rolling over to Normani's empty side of the mattress. I pulled her pillow close to my chest, hugging it tightly as I usually hugged her at night. It smelled like her, that familiar mix of mint and her favourite barry shampoo.

It made my tears run even faster but I didn't even bother to wipe them away. I wondered if she was even coming back, or if we were done with each other. The thought made my heart crumbling, making me sick to my stomach.

My head was telling me maybe this was for the best anyways, but my heart was screaming, please don't leave me, I don't think my heart could bear it.