Mumble

②⓪①⑤ - C H A P T E R [1 1]

"Uh-huh," Toni was saying, her voice sounding strangely muffled to Ozzie's ears, "that's right," she said.

There was an almost dream-like quality to the words, more like echoes, and as they bounced around aimlessly in his skull that was the one thing he could really latch onto. Not their meaning or who she was talking to but the eerie way in which they vibrated into the blank spaces his mind had dug into itself.

It was almost jarring. If only he could say why.

So he laid there, wherever there was, strangely detached from the conversation taking place and waited, though for what he wasn't sure. Probably for either the talking to stop or for something more interesting to come along, whichever came first he guessed.

"James'll bring him now," Toni said, continuing in that oh so steady tone of hers. She was like a rock; always solid. Unshakable. It was soothing, "He had a bad attack this morning...passed out right after."

What? He thought, curious as what she said finally struck home a few moments later. The fuck. Well that piqued his interest. He found himself fighting against the strange darkness around him, wanting to find out more. Who passed out?

"No, I don't know what triggered it-- Oz was-- Well--" Toni took a breath, gathering her thoughts, "It was a nightmare but I don't know what it was about."

Oz--? Wha-- he thought a little groggily. He felt like he was missing something, something important, something that his sluggish brain should be getting or remembering, but like a dumbass wasn't. Me? She's talking about me. I passed out. Why would I--

The moment Ozzie realised what he was hearing was real and not a figment of his imagination he whined, low in this throat, and awkwardly rolled onto his side. His vision swam, eyes blinking almost drunkenly in and out as his consciousness finally forced the last dredges of sleep away.

He winced, slowly opening his eyes against the light he could feel leaving warm patterns against his lids. A softly uttered "fuck" parted his lips on a shaky exhale as he did so.

Dragging a hand across his face, Ozzie took a breath and tried to figure out just where in the house he was. Ignoring the fact his head hurt like a mother and his mouth tasted like something died in it; there was the tell-tale crink in his neck from sleeping on the couch that he swore was spawned by Satan himself and the light - filtered through diaphanous drapes - cut through the gaps left between his fingers like tiny obnoxious needles. The living room then. Someone (James) must've moved him from the bathroom after passing out. Great. His lips thinned at the thought.

"Yes, James will...I'll pick him up...no...," there was a pause in the conversation, one in which Ozzie could just make out the sound of faint footfalls coming closer, "uh-huh...yes... I know but I have some things to take care of first." The footsteps stopped just behind him, settling by the arm of the lumpy couch from hell, and Ozzie got the distinct prickling feeling he got whenever someone was staring at him. "If that's all..." Toni trailed off, voice noticeably louder; Ozzie shifted the hand over his face to peek up at his aunt, "uh-huh... Goodbye, see you soon." She ended the call and set the cordless phone to the side, but that was a detail that barely flickered on Ozzie's radar. No. He was too busy staring at the icy calm plastered over his aunt's face.

Ozzie groaned, moving the crook of his arm over his eyes. He didn't feel like dealing with this.

"Dr. Nelson?" he asked after a moment.

"Yes and you're going. Now," her tone brokered no room for argument.

"Figured."

She huffed. Another moment passed. "James is taking you," she said. A lazy hum crawled its way from the back of Ozzie's throat.

"Great," he drawled.

"Well," Toni let out a frustrated breath and Ozzie could hear her fingers drumming impatiently against the faded leather of the couch as she tried to decide what to say next. It was petty and no small amount of childish but Ozzie lay there, letting the quiet stretch. He was more than happy to let it fade from tense to awkward. Toni clicked her tongue.

"Get ready then." There was a sudden rush of air as she turned around and then a, "and stop acting like such a teenager. It ain't cute, Ozzie and it ain't gonna win any points with me either." Silence. She was gone.

Ozzie scoffed and dropped his arm down to his side. "Whatever," he grumbled. His arm hung loosely over the edge of the couch, fingers brushing against the wooly carpet almost idly. He stared blankly at the ceiling, smooth and white. A hand tugged at his hair.

She's right you know, you're being childish.

So what? She's not the one who keeps finding dead people.

Suck it up Ozzie, whining about it isn't gonna change anything.

But it'll make me feel better. I feel like shit.

You always feel like shit.

Yeah well, wonder why.

You didn't take your meds last night.

I was tired.

Not an excuse.

Then what is?

You shouldn't do this to them.

You're a burden. (No I'm not)

A fuck up. (I know I'm not)

Dead weight. (Shut-up)

If only you told James and Clint to fuck off with their clubbing plans. (There was no way for me to know. Stop it)

Dumb. (Stop it)

Pathetic. (Stop it)

If only you took your meds. (I just wanted to sleep.)

Waste of space. (Stop it)

If only you didn't go outside. (Couldn't have known. Couldn't have known.)

Why do you exist? (I don't know, dude I'm not fucking Descartes.)

If only- If only- If only- If only- Sucks dick doesn't it--

(I just want to be a kid. I never got to be one. I want to be child. Let me be child just for ONCE--)

YOU. ARE. NOT. A. CHILD.

"Fuuuuck!" He tasted copper on his lips, his free hand digging sharp little halfmoons into his palm and he squeezed his eyes shut, hard enough to leave spots in his vision. He inhaled deeply through his nose. Opened his eyes.

Wearily Ozzie got up and trekked back to his room.