lost my head

Six.

A morning session with these plants outside the crib making me a less unused.

Staying at home all day, making me feel uncomfortable because as usual, my parents are having a war like love. But I didn't say that house is stupid. I just don't feel it's a home.

So now, I do what I supposed to do at house. HipCamp is my home. From now on, every summer I have a second home.

"Oh Gosh. Go to hell! Biatch." the girl at the back of me says. I look back at her and when I open my mouth to speak, her index finger interrupted "don't try to ask me what did you do wrong because you didn't do anything."

"Then why do you want her to go to hell?" Cady suddenly came from the cabin.

"Well, Cady as you know, she is wrong." she paused "wrong to be part of HipCamp."

"What does makes her not to be part of us?" Cady ask.

"Look at her" pointed at me "who's hippie wouldn't want to wear a plaid or a flannel?"

"Just because she's more of a boho look doesn't mean she can't be part of HipCamp"

"Cady, do you hear yourself? What is HipCamp if you aren't a hipster?" the girl stressing the Hipster.

"Aniston, why do you care about her? Thought you don't give a shit with people?" Finn while walking toward us speak.

Wondering why he always there when I need him. I mean, without calling him he's going to be there.

I see a girl can't speak. She can't talk like a normal person with Finn. Maybe she's the number one hater of Finn or she likes the guy. Two different kind of look but I can't judge hers, so I'm not sure between the two guess.

The girl raises her brows and crossing her arms then all of a sudden she walk away.

Finn staring at her walking out, he looks at me with apologetic smile. "Next time she does rude things to you, don't feel embarrass to tell me, 'kay?"

I nod "Sorry."

"Don't be sorry. And don't for a minute think that you are a loser freak because you are not" Finn exclaimed.

Before we go to the next chapter of what we're doing I'll share something.

Finn is Finn Davies in school I attended. He graduated high school valedictorian and a full pack hipster. He rides his bike in the morning with his blue red racksuck wearing his black eyeglasses.

I don't see him having a lot of friends in school but outside, no wonder he has a lot of friends here because he joined in this community since high school.

~

The team leader ordered us to do our work in art room.

On the white door there was written "awks" in neon lights, to be more specific. It's a room exclusively for Awks group.

When I got there, I met new people (like me). They were doing art stuffs, draw things, share each other's works.

The first thing I thought, what help should I contribute here? It sums up of a professional artist and I'm the only member who is an amateur frustrated artist freak.

"Great job, Alan." said Finn while I'm looking at my work.

I turned around to see him, "Thanks TL. But it doesn't fit in our auction."

"Clever." he laughs in a very serious sound "This is not a competition with your groupmates, this is a competition with different existing groups and gain more money as you can."

shakes my head, "Well"

"In fact, we help each other. Do you want me to put colors on your drawing? It seems a very blue and broken hearted work, Alan."

He's right. It's a no perfect-picture. I feel down and has no inspiration. How would I get? If my parents didn't support me, not showing me good arts, not pushing me to pursue what I want?

There's no such thing to be part of this camp if I still haven't try what I really want to do. Where's the fun here? Where's the excitement? And where's the confidence? 

"May I look at your work, bro?" Anton suddenly went to me.

I nod, "Sure." I showed him.

"Oh" he put his hand on his mouth "Clearly, this is a sad boy."

I grimaced at him, "What do you see?"

"L-let me criticize it" he paused and think "he has full of regret and losing his mind about himself, thinking way too much and...ran out of words?"

I snatch my drawing book from him, "That's it. You were right. You may go and criticize your own work."

"W-wait. Sorry, are you offended? Well, I am not a professional in Art Critic, so yeah"

"It's cool. I really have to finish this stuff so we could have a lot of merch" I replied.

The art I draw was a side viewed guy wearing black cloudy shirt and his hair were messy and his face was covered by his both hands and a few fire on his left arm to show the burn and sparks.

"Tell me, is the guy named Alan?" Anton asked that makes me stop to draw.

"Why'd you ask?"

"I see that you feel self terrible and lack of confidence. Alan, the reason you are here is for you to feel not alone. You are not alone, and by any chance, you get to know people who understands you."  he paused "It's us. Your group" he added.

"Is there any possible I could join in your conversation?" Finn at the back of us abruptly speak.

Anton smiled, "TL would you please have a one on one with her?" he asked and I saw Finn had a confused face.

"W-what is one on one?" I asked the both of them.

"Seriously, what is going on?" Finn asked us.

Anton smiled sarcastically and I feel the tension. I don't know how does Finn makes me feel like this.

"There is no one on one will happen." pointed us "because you, and everyone will join us." he shouted.

Everyone looks at him and stopped whatever they were doing, except Elle. Still sitting relaxed on her chair and paints.

She speak, "What's new?" and then heave.

"Okay, exactly 3pm tomorrow, no one are going to do their work. Don't worry about the expense, the profit, the trophy, the..the contest and the winning."

"Woah, big change captain. From being competitive to I-care-about-your-feelings bro" Elle says.

Finn deadly stare at her but then looks at us back, "We are having an open forum."

"Exciting."

"What? No way!"

"This is happening"

Awks different kinds of reaction and I am here standing in front of Finn waiting for his next words. This is what I've been waiting for. I know I am presumably shy of all things but surely I can deliver my feelings through conference with people I know who understands me. Especially Finn.