Things Written at 3:00 a.m.

Entry 1 - I'm Drowning

I'm drowning. Dark, almost black water surrounds me. I can't see anything in this murkiness. I start swimming upwards, trying to break the surface. As soon as I get close to freedom, something curls around my ankle and drags me back down into the depths. As I struggle against whatever has a grip on me, I'm pulled to the very bottom of the body of water. My feet touch the pond floor, and immediately something is curling around my body, immobilizing me. By now, my lungs are screaming. I'm struggling to keep my mouth closed and to not gasp out for air. But, like every other time I try to do something, I fail.

My mouth acts of its own accord, and dark water rushes into my now open mouth. It tastes wretched and burns my throat. I try and scream, but the murky water muffles my yells. I can feel the water filling my lungs 'til I feel like I'm about to burst. My body screams out in pain as more and more foul liquid continues to pour into my already full body. My limbs continue to thrash around in the water. The pain continues to grow worse and worse until I feel like my head is about to explode.

But then it occurs to me, I should have blacked out by now. I wait and wait as the sharp ache of pain continues to thrum throughout my weak body. As the minutes of agony tick by, panic starts to set into my exhausted mind. It becomes clear that I'm not going to get the relief of losing consciousness any time soon, maybe never. I'm going to be trapped here as water continuously fills my body and my pain intensifies by the minute. My mind races as I try to figure a way out of this hell. As I think of plans of escape, my hand closes around a small, sharp object.

I have to put the item right in-front of my face to actually see what it is. But when I do, I mentally sigh in relief. In my hand, is a razor blade. Just a few slashes from this and all my pain will be over. I hold the blade over my wrist for a few moments, before carefully cutting the delicate skin. It stings, but is nothing compared to the misery my body has been subjected to. If the water was lighter, I would be able to see the blood swirling in the water around me. After I'm content with the number of cuts on my right wrist, I repeat the process on the left one. I wait awhile until I feel my consciousness slipping away and I slip into a much more comforting darkness.

A/N:
Hey, so the entry above is poorly written and probably has lots of grammar mistakes. I would go through and edit it, but I'm too tired. I may edit it tomorrow. If you didn't get the symbolism, the pond the person is drowning in represents depression. I most likely did a really bad job representing that, but I really wanted to post something. I might take it down in the next few days. I'm gonna blame my sucky writing on my inexperience and young age. Bye!