Mismatched

16

      "Fucking hell, Mark!" Jackson screams as Mark shivers like a withered flower in the middle of a storm, pitiful and dying. "Who is it?"

"W-what?"

"Whom are you in love with?" Jackson clears up and Mark freezes, even the flowers inside stop moving, he just... breathes in, and out. "WHO IS IT, MARK?!" Jackson barks, stomping threateningly. "Who is your fucking unrequited love that made you grow fucking flowers inside?!"

Mark blinks once, twice... slowly, trying to understand. How does Jackson know?

"For fuck's sake, Mark, speak!"

Mark recoils, startled and scared, but that works to shake him from his stupor and stop gaping at Jackson.

"H-how do you...?" Mark begins to ask, but he chokes on another petal that only seems to make Jackson more infuriated.

"Who. Is. It?" Jackson pushes, looking more severe than Mark's ever seen him.

The older boy has to look away, pulling the blanket around his shoulders to protect himself. This wasn't the plan, Mark wasn't going to confess until he was about to die, but he probably wasn't going to do it even then because Jackson wouldn't care if he was dying. The old Jackson would've come to say goodbye.

Mark still can't understand why Jackson changed just with him.

"It's..." Make begins, trembling and incapable of meeting Jackson's eyes. "It's... you."

Mark shuts his eyes tighter, holding his breath, waiting for Jackson's reaction, something Mark cannot predict. Old Jackson would've joked, saying obviously Mark is in love with him because who couldn't he? And in his joking, he would've comforted Mark and asked him to please, save himself because he couldn't love him like that. Mark has no clue how this Jackson will react.

Laughter.

Jackson laughs, sardonically, still angry and it cuts Mark so deep he feels like he'll bleed out right there. The sound is like daggers cutting through his flesh.

"That's fucking rich," Jackson wheezes. Mark keeps his eyes shut, hiding from Mark. "You love me? Now? Now you love me? Couldn't you love me two months ago?"

There's another laughing fit, but this time it sounds angrier and Mark dares to peek and watch Jackson losing his head.

"Your timing fucking sucks!"

"I've loved you since the beginning..." Mark confesses, hurt in ways he cannot even explain or understands. The flowers inside of him are the softest ache in his body right now.

Jackson's face falls, there's no anger anymore but fury. Jackson looks murderous.

"The beginning?" The idol echoes. "You loved me since the beginning?" Mark only nods, trying to stay brave and keep his head high, but he can barely breathe. "Fucking hell, Mark! Why couldn't you say it before?!" Jackson roars in a way it reminds Mark of a dinosaur.

He's terrified.

"Why couldn't you just say or do anything before? Or why haven't you gotten rid of that fucking tumour already before it got to this? Why are you killing yourself for fucking unrequited feelings?!"

"They might not matter to you but my feelings are important to me! I can't give you up like that even if you don't give a shit about me now!" Mark raises his voice, not only hurt but also offended.

"I cannot love you back!" Jackson fights back, fists clenched so tight his knuckles are all white and he's trembling. "You said it yourself, you can't date out of pity. It would be a lie. I cannot save you, so you have to save yourself!"

"I won't give up my feelings!" Mark insists, he already made his mind.

"I DID!" Jackson cries out so loud it feels like the whole flat is trembling with the intensity of his voice. "I gave up my feelings for you, following your advice! I got the fucking flowers removed because I wasn't going to die for an unrequited love! You told me to get better!"

Mark takes in a sharp breath in, his eyes widening to the point it feels his eyes will pop out of their sockets.

"I got the surgery, I have the fucking horrid scar on my chest because you never said anything before! You loved me back but never said anything and I was dying! The thorns buried in my lungs. I didn't cough only petals, I coughed blood every time! Because you didn't say anything!" Jackson continues ranting, so enraged he is shaking. "I went through all that because you couldn't say anything."

"You never said anything either!" Mark defends himself, not processing what's happening.

"I WAS COUGHING BLOOD! You just puke petals, you have no idea what it was for me!" Jackson screams again, this time looking hurt. "And now you won't even get the surgery, you fucking martyr. It's hopeless, give up." Mark is shaking his head, he won't change his mind no matter what Jackson says. "You impossible asshole! I HATE YOU!" Jackson's roars and his words carry the burning hatred of his statement, they wrap around him and burn him alive.

Jackson hates him.