all that we got | adopted by zerkaa

✧ CHAPTER EIGHT ✧

As the morning drifted into early afternoon, the only thing I could think about was what JJ said. They all saw that happen. No matter how much I tried to pretend, or how much Vik and Simon tried to pretend, I couldn't undo it. It was imprinted in all of our minds.

I've had to re-wrap my wrists a few times because every time I thought about the day before, it was impossible for me not to do it. It was like I was punishing myself for being so stupid, so idiotic.

I wished I could slip back into the sense of comfort from before Simon and JJ entered the kitchen. The peaceful morning of listening to Vik talk without asking for answers from me in return. I almost felt completely at rest during that time. I wanted that feeling back.

I didn't know why sitting in the kitchen listening to Vik was any different than sitting in the car listening to Josh as we drove to the house, but it was. Maybe it was the sense that Josh was trying to convince me to speak up by talking and throwing in subtle questions here and there. Vik didn't seem like he even cared if I talked.

I got a familiar feeling from Vik. The one you get if you've known someone for a long time. It reminded me of how you feel around a brother, or a family member you were really close to. It gave me a warm sense in my stomach, something almost familiar. Something I hadn't felt in a long, long time.

Josh had knocked on the door several times, calling my name and asking me to open up, but I didn't. I didn't care if I seemed rude or disrespectful. He couldn't do anything if I was inside and he wasn't. He had no power as long as I hid in my bright white safe haven.

I sat on the bed, legs crossed underneath me, doing nothing but listening. Right after I had locked myself in the room, I heard Vik wander upstairs as well, before closing the door to the room beside mine. I noted that Vik's bedroom was next to me and not Josh's.

I straightened at the sound of approaching footsteps, of which I had learned to be Josh. He just didn't give up, did he? He didn't knock this time, though. I watched as the shadows underneath the door paused for a moment outside before continuing along. Maybe he had gotten the point after all.

After a while, I moved from the bed to the wall across from the door. My back ached from sitting hunched over so long, and I was able to stretch out more. I pulled my knees up to my chest and buried my face in them, squeezing my eyes shut. All the white was beginning to make me feel nauseated. I focused on the backs of my eyelids, before I drifted off without knowing.

~

A loud knock startled me awake. I hadn't noticed I had fallen asleep. I had ended up on my side, one arm curled under my head, while the other shielded my eyes from the white all around me. The knock sounded again.

I considered crawling across the floor and looking under the floor to see if I could tell who it was by the socks, but I didn't have to. "Ellie?" It was Simon.

I pulled myself to my feet, still disoriented from waking up so suddenly. I cracked the door open, peeking through it.

Simon peered down at me, and I cautiously pulled the door open more. "Do you want anything to eat?" he asked.

I raised an eyebrow at his words. This seemed suspicious. "There's no food," I replied, thinking of the empty cupboards from this morning. I hoped that would be enough to make him leave, but my body betrayed me as my stomach growled loudly, making Simon laugh.