Beautiful Tragedies

Seven + The Explanation That Tries To Follow

     Seven + The Explanation That Tries To Follow.

      "Felicity, wait!" I hear the boy, frantic, shout after me, but I'm too quick and too stubborn. My feet hit the stone pavement and I bolt from the exit of the alleyway, not daring to look back, only forward.

      Reincarnation. Reincarnation. Reincarnation.

      The word tumbles around and around in my head like a dry weed, and I hate it. I hate that I know the meaning of the word. I hate that I know it means that when you die you take up another life form; you turn into something or someone else. And I hate my father for teaching me that.

       I'm not a reincarnation, I can't be. I can't be. The boy is crazy. I'm crazy. We're both crazy.

       But what other explanation is there? You died Felicity. You crashed and died. You know you did.

        I want to scream. I want to scream into the cool air until my throat grows horse and hurts. I want to tear at my skull, uncover my brain, and scar that under the wrath of my nails too. My poor aching brain. I want to shake it until it all makes sense. Because this, right now, this is all too much to handle.

       I hear the sound of hurried footsteps behind me, a dull pounding against the storm that's unfolding inside my head, and I realize the boy is getting closer. My eyes widen, my teeth grit together, and I will myself to run faster.

       "Felicity, please stop!" He calls after me again, his voice filled with concern, and I wish I had never told him my name.

      You don't know me. You don't know me. You can't help me. Stop trying to help me. Please, just stop.

       I look over my shoulder to see how close he is. Too close. His black hair is windswept backward against his forehead and his eyes are trained directly on me. I turn back, bite my lip in frustration, taste the blood on the surface, and duck around the corner, my weak legs still pumping.

      This isn't true. This can't be true. The boys a liar. You can't believe a boy, a boy you just met. Reincarnation doesn't exist. It's not real. It's all not real.

       I feel my legs begin to strain beneath me, they're on the verge of cramping up, and I know I can't hold the run forever. Running is a sport I've never been especially good at. In fact, I hate running. Actually, In this moment, I hate everything.

       Because nothing makes sense.

       I stumble briefly, my shoe catching awkwardly on the pavement, and that's when I know I've lost my fight. I can't keep up the pace, nor the power. I feel a hand catch onto my wrist and I'm spun abruptly to a halt.

        "Please, just let go. Let me go!" Poison seeps through my voice with a vengeance, and instantly the boy drops my wrist from his grasp as I pull it roughly backwards.

       "Okay, okay...I'm sorry. But please, Felicity, let me explain-"

       "Stop. Just stop calling me that. You don't know me. And please, stop following me. Just stop everything." I interrupt the boy, my strong voice showing signs of hurt. "Please, just- it's not true. You're lying to me. Stop."

       At the sound of my voice breaking the boys face grows softer but I can see he's still clearly trying to hide his frustration. He lifts his hands to his head and rubs them tiredly over his hair as he paces back and forth. He stops and blows out a breath of frustration.