lifted - bts

taehyung

TW - SUICIDAL THOUGHTS

It has been a long few days. The boys just got off their break, and they haven't spent time at home for about a week. Working on their next comeback has taken a lot out of them as a whole. You've only seen your boyfriend, Taehyung, once in all this time, and it was for a cutesy little movie date, which was interrupted when Joon set off a fire alarm by accident.

Aside from this, you've always hated these frigid, dreary winter months, usually for different reasons, but Tae's constant absence makes you want to die. Not even "Jingle Bell Rock" can draw you out of your slump.

You think it's apathy, yet all these sickening qualms come to you every once in a while. You're halfway there.

It's a little after midnight. You lay motionlessly on your side of the bed, turned toward the window instead of the door, and your bare legs are exposed to cold air. You curl them against your chest as an attempt to feel less isolated. Tae always used to tell you to dress warmly; he even bought you an electric blanket for when he isn't here (he likes to brag about his natural heat, claiming it's the key to your relationship). But the blanket remains unplugged, untouched at the foot of your bed as you tremble in your shorts and his large T-shirt. There are urges bombarding you from every direction, telling you to brush your teeth, to put on some socks. You can't seem to move an inch though.

You miss him so badly it's physically restraining you. He's all you think about. Deep down, you sort of blame him for leaving you alone the whole week, but you remind yourself that you love him, so it's fine. All you have been doing is yoga and watching live performances anyway, which you could easily do with Tae around. He's just in the shower or something.

You hear some keys click against each other, shoes patter on the floor, and soft laughter as Taehyung almost coincidentally approaches the door to your bedroom. He seems to hang up his phone before he comes in, but you're not paying full attention. You don't even turn to see him yet, but the light from the hallway infiltrates your pitch black room and makes your teary eyes sore.

Without a word, the muscular boy shuts the door quickly and removes his shirt before shuffling to his side of the bed and laying down. He scoots to your side and kisses your temple, but when he returns to his side, you release a whimper and flip over so you can effectively hug your boyfriend.

"Ah," Tae laughs at the sudden contact. He giggles as he secures his arms around the feel of his own T-shirt. "Hi, baby."

You don't say a word, just bury yourself in Tae's warmth. You won't cry on him. You will not.

"I missed you," he whispers after realizing how emotional you probably are. "This week was really hard for me. I'm so sorry."

"I still miss you," you murmur against Taehyung's skin, your cold hands connecting behind his back. "It's like you're not even real."

"I know, and I'm sorry," he whispers. "I'll try to avoid weeks like this from now on--ah, you're freezing."

"Not anymore," you say, nearly smiling at your cheesiness.

"It's December. Please be warm for me," Taehyung says. "People die from freezing. Your heart rate must be zero."

"I wouldn't mind that right now." After the sour words come out of your mouth, Taehyung squeezes you tighter despite inwardly hating the feeling of your cold fingers on his back.

"Please don't say that," Tae mumbles, stroking your hair. He knows it's a touchy subject for you, hence his nerves when you make jokes about death.

Out of the blue, your stomach grumbles. It almost vibrates against Tae, but he wouldn't have felt it. However, it was loud enough to startle your attentive and all-too-apologetic boyfriend, and he wonders, "Did you eat today?"