Poem/stories/songs

😒😔😒😔

I understand that i'm not the best role model but i try
Yes i cheat yes i curse yes i do illegal things  but i was raised in a home that always had that in it
For some reason everything i do gets people mad i don't understand
it's my life i understand that people want me to do the best i can and i do but sometimes i don't want to
I let no one control me well except my bf
It's like god wants to see me fail with all the things that have been happening
And all this guilt all this pain all this worry is deepening
I think of ways that i can get away from these feeling to the point where i only feel happiness
So i put on my happy face and let the hotness overwhelm my face
I let the drink go down my throat and i feel the burn
Then i stop i wonder how did i get like this when did this happen to me
I let the tear roll down my face wondering when i got like this
I notice i'm becoming such a mess
My emotions are out of whack my nerves are even worse
My depression is gone for now but then it comes back like a racehorse
Everything i've been doing lately is bad
Should i give up?
I notice how often i ask that question
Sometimes i want someone to hit me in the head with a bat
Make sure my head cracks open just to see if i actually have a brain
I feel like i'm an iceberg i'm cold and just drifting
Until i'm gone is there hope?
Yes there is
Will i live?
I don't know
Will i get out of my town?
Yes i will
Will i go to college?
Yes i will
So will i live?
Hell yes i will!!!
So instead of drifting ill be defying
Defying gravity and i'll keep going up no matter how many people try to bring me down!
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Yo it's so hard to feel this shit every day.....