I looked out of my window of my bedroom, while sitting at my desk and fiddling with my pen. The black sky was filled with miniscule dots of stars. I looked down at my lined paper and bit my lower lip. I put the pen down and rubbed my face in aggravation, letting out a depressed sigh.
"Struggling?" Dad appeared at the doorway of my bedroom. Startled, I sat up and spun around in my chair. I looked at him in confusion. He stepped forward.
"Your homework, are you struggling?" He asked. I let out a breath of relief. "Oh, yeah. My homework" I muttered. He waited a moment before speaking again.
"Look, I know you knew that girl who killed herself-"
"Hannah", I interrupted, "Her name was Hannah". He nodded.
"I know you knew Hannah, and you miss her dearly, but sometimes you just have to move on, you have a bright life ahead of you. And you won't if...you grades continue to go on slipping" He folded his arms.
"Wait, Is that what this is about?" I asked in sudden anger "'Oh sorry, Georgia, Your grades seem to be slipping since the since the disaster a few weeks ago, so you should stop mourning over your best friends suicide and pay more attention at school, apologies for any inconvenience'" I mocked. He put his hand on his head.
"No, I didn't mean-"
"Just get out please, I need to concentrate" I mumbled. He sighed and turned away and to the doorway. I turned away too, facing my desk. "If you need me...just...I'm always here" He said in a low tone.
"Of course" I picked up my pen again and started writing down on my homework. I looked up as my phone buzzed and the screen lit up wit a text. It was Clay.
Clayy <3 :
Feeling up to meeting up at the park or something? It's URGENT
I closed the folder on my desk and packed away my paper into it. I picked up my phone and unlocked it.
You:
Yeah, I'll sneak out, be there at around 9:30
Clayy <3 :
Got it.
I stood up and jogged over to my bed where I stuffed a few pillows in a row under the blanket as if I was sleeping. I grabbed my phone and unplugged it. Quietly, I slid open my window and carefully climbed out, jumping onto the ground. Hannah was on my mind, all the way to the park. Not even the fact that Clay wanted to meet up at 9:30 in the night, but Hannah. Me and Hannah were together for all of school. Kindergarten, Middle School and Secondary school. So it constantly leaves the soul destroying thought inside my mind. Why couldn't I stop her that day?
I reached the park eventually and found clay sitting on the bench with a lost expression on his face as he looked at the slide. I continued walking closer to him.
"Clay" I called his name. He jumped and looked at me in surprise.
"Oh, Uh hey!" He fidgeted around, looking around him. I raised my eyebrow in confusion. Why so jumpy?
"Hey", I stood awkwardly, "What you doing?" I asked him.
"Oh, Uhhhh...Daydreaming" He responded, nodding with uncertainty in his eyes. I nodded slowly and smiled.
"So what did you want me for?" I asked, walking over to the bench he was sitting on. I sat next to him and intertwined my fingers. He looked down and sighed.
"Hannah", He started, "Were you and Hannah friends when she..." He trailed off. I smiled and felt tears warming up my eyes, quickly. I looked down to the ground and tilted my head to face him. My heart grew heavy.
"If I were her true friend, she wouldn't of did what she did. I wish I was much more loyal to her as a best friend. I just keep thinking, maybe...", my voice wobbled as I wiped my eyes, "Maybe I could of stopped her. I could of asked her if she wanted to hang out, I could of complimented her or started a conversation. I could of gave her a smile. And maybe, just maybe she would still be here today" J looked at Clay, holding back an overflow of tears that were ready to burst.
"No one could've known that she was going to do it" Clay moved closer to me.
"No? Well why did people act and do horrible things to her? We could of been considerate on what the outcome was going to be. Surely we have all been raised to be kind to each other" I shook my head.
"Hey, It's not your fault" He looked at me.
"No, It is" I shook my head again.
"No it's not, it isn't just you, Katelyn, It's all of us" He stated. I threw my arms around him and hugged him. He rubbed my back.
"Aww, I knew you had something going on" A male voice came from behind. It was Bryce. I turned around and stood up.
"Miss Besse...missed me?" He held a glass of beer in his hand.
"You know what, Bryce, fuck you" I pointed at him. He smiled and started moving forward. He stretched his arms out to me. I shook my head and stepped back cautiously.
"Bryce, go away" I stared at him.
"Give me a little hug, girl. I'm your friend. Jenson here get's one. What about me?" He asked. Clay stood up.
"Bryce, Just back the fuck off" Clay interjected. Bryce looked at clay and shrugged. "Fine. Not gonna lie, I'm a bit offended. But Nevermind, I'll have you one day" He mumbled and turned away.
"Oh yeah, what's that supposed to mean?" I asked him. He ignored me and continued walking away. I looked at Clay, who was standing up and watching Bryce walk away.
A pair of car lights almost blinded me. I covered my eyes and slowly gained back my vision. Coming out of the red car was Tony. "Hey, Clay. Hey, Katelyn" folded his arms. "Want a ride?" He asked. I looked at Clay in confusion.
***
"I found Katelyn walking to the park, so I decided to follow to check if everything was okay" Tony explained in the car. I shook my head "You're like a friendly stalker, did you know that?" I asked him. He smiled while concentrating on the empty road. "How are both of you coping anyway?" Tony asked seriously. Our faces turned dull and depressed.
"Trying" Clay looked out of the window.
"Good" Tony replied.
"I just wish she was here right now, with us" I shrugged.
"I'm sure all of us do. I'm sure all of us will for the rest of our lives" Tony stated like an old man quoting a book. I rested my head on the back of the car seat.
Tony reached to the glove box and pulled out a tape, sliding it into the tape player. An upbeat song came on, leaving us all silent, watching the road.
