Behind His Green Eyes

Chapter Nineteen

A/N: just so no one gets confused. . . 

Stiles=dad

Derek=papa

unless he is talking to one of them and then it's just dad. Because he's a teenager and I feel like he wouldn't call Derek papa to his face or to anyone else's. 

Ben

I tried to ignore it. That tight feeling in my chest as soon as I drove away and the realization set in that I wouldn't see Scott again, or at least not any time soon. Maybe my thinking was dramatic, but I needed him. Without him, I felt like nothing. I wasn't sure when these feelings started, only that they were stronger now than ever and not knowing if Scott was okay was making me physically sick. I had to pull over more than a few times because I was shaking to hard to drive straight. I even tried to throw up once, but werewolves don't get sick, so nothing came out. One thing I didn't do was cry, but yelling and screaming was the substitute for that. 

I eventually did make it back to the cabin the next morning. My dads were pacing anxiously around the living room, grandpa sitting on the couch with his notebook that he wasn't using at all as they rambled on and on. As soon as I opened the front door, they froze. Papa embraced me first, his arms tight around me as I stood there silently. Dad sighed heavily in relief and ran his hands over his face, running to join papa in the hug. "We were so worried," papa whispered, kissing the top of my head. I bit down on my bottom lip and squeezed my arms closer to my sides as they surrounded me. 

"Ben, what happened to Scott?" Dad asked gently, like he already knew what the answer would do to me. He couldn't have prevented the tears gushing down my cheeks no matter how he asked the question. I had been holding it for hours, but it was just now all crushing me. 

Papa shushed me soothingly, running his fingers through my hair as dad rubbed my back. "It's okay," papa assured me, letting me cry on his shoulder. I wrapped my arms around his waist and hugged him as tight as I could, because I didn't want to hurt dad with my strength. It was harder to control when I was emotional like this. "We can get him back. I promise, Ben."

"It hurts so bad," I whimpered, letting dad hold my hand as he smiled sadly and leaned in to kiss my forehead. "I didn't think it would feel like this. I didn't think it would feel like a part of me was missing."

Papa and dad shared a worried glance, which they probably thought I didn't see. "Dad and I need to talk about something," Papa said quickly, pulling away. "Sit down with grandpa for a minute and take some deep breaths. You're going to have a panic attack if you don't." 

I nodded rapidly and shuffled over to the couch, falling into the spot next to grandpa. He put his hand on my back and rubbed softly, which actually helped calm me down a lot. Dad and papa disappeared outside and spoke too softly for even me to hear. I tried taking deep breaths, but it didn't seem to be helping. "Bubby, are you okay?" Scarlett asked as she shyly stepped into the living room. She walked closer, curling up under my arm to hug me. "Is Scott gone?"

"Yeah, for a while, at least," I answered, running my fingers through her hair. 

She frowned and squeezed me tighter, pressing her cheek against my chest. "I'm really sorry," she whispered, patting my chest reassuringly. "We'll get him back," she continued with a small sigh.