OKAY HI IF YOU'RE READING!
SORRY TO PUT THIS HERE BUT IF IT'S YOUR FIRST TIME READING MY ONE-SHOTS PLEASE READ SOME MORE RECENT ONES BECAUSE THESE OLD ONES DON'T SHOWCASE MY WRITING SKILLS VERY WELL. ALSO! I HAVE A CHAPTERED FIC THAT HAS HARDLY ANY READS SO PLS GO GIVE IT SOME LOVE IT IS CALLED 'BEAUTIFUL, BROKEN' SO YEAH TY FOR READING LY ALL BYEEEE
LILLY
Summary: Dan and Phil have broken up, Phil has moved out.
Warnings: swearing, alcohol mentioned, implication of suicide. V sad I'm v sorry.
Genre: sad sad sad, AU
Extra: Ermmmm idk I guess 1st person??
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To: amazingphil@email.co.uk
Re: monday 2nd
I ate today, for once. I felt really full afterwards though and decided to go back to bed. I sleep a lot lately. It's meant to make you feel better when you're sick, sleeping a lot. I'm not sick, but I thought it would help. I can't get over that it's been a month since you moved out. A whole fucking month. I tried to make a video, explaining to everyone where you went, why you just dissapeared from the internet. But I couldn't, I just kept staring at all the empty spaces were your furniture had been. I miss you.
Dan.
To: amazingphil@email.co.uk
Re: thursday 12th
I felt crappier than usual today. We could have worked it out, y'know. Maybe if I wasn't such a fuck up we could've stayed together. I noticed you haven't made a video since, like me, and you don't post on your Tumblr or Twitter either. There's been shit blowing up all over my Twitter. The fans are wondering where you are, Phil. Can't you say something? Just give them a simple reason or post to let them know you're okay. Or why there haven't been any Sunday shows. You know I can't do this on my own, Phil. Please answer me. I miss you.
Dan.
To: amazingphil@email.co.uk
Re: sunday 22nd
I know you should have gotten my emails by now. At least you made a video. Really loved how you lied to our fans, by the way. That 'family crisis' must have been some fucking emergency.
I found some of your old deodrant in the bathroom draw. I sprayed some of it next to me last night, and it was like you were still sleeping next to me while I closed my eyes. But when I opened them, I remembered you'd left. I feel more lonely now.
The thing is, I don't think you know how much I love you Phil. Or how much it hurts to walk into your empty room and not see you sitting on your bed editing a video. I can't carry on like this anymore, Phil. It feels like I'm invisible but no one has noticed I've gone. Maybe if I disappeared altogether it wouldn't make a difference. I still miss you.
Dan.
To: amazingphil@email.com
Re: goodbye, for real
It's Saturday night. And honestly, I don't know how I've lasted this long. Maybe I was hanging on with hope you'd burst into the flat with all of your stuff and tell me you love me again.
I'm broken Phil. Like I was when you found me. But then you fixed me, through all of the late night Skype calls and talks on the phone. Why can't you fix me again?
This will be the last time I email you. I'm leaving this world for somewhere else tonight. I have my pills on one side of me and the alcohol on the other. It's not like you're answering me anyway. So, goodbye, Phil. I'm still missing you.
Dan
To: danisnotonfire@email.co.uk
Re: It's Phil, new email.
Hey Dan, how've you been?
I'm sorry... That's probably a really stupid question to ask. And if you've seen the video, about that too. I shouldn't have lied, I should have told them about us.
I've been thinking lately about what I did and I hate myself a little more each day because of it. I miss you. I still love you, Dan. Yeah. Love is a pretty heavy word to drop into an early morning Sunday email isn't it? It's true, though.
My whole system is fucked. My email got hacked. My phone got cut off. But I guess it might have done you good having the lack of contact. We needed our distance.
Get in touch when you can, please. I really fucking miss you.
Love, Phil.
