2 months | yoonmin

Chapter one

2 months 24 hours 60 seconds until my heart stops beating and I take my final breath.

  I sat on the hospital bed, isolated and cold
the room was as devoid of beauty, the walls are simply cream, no decorations at all saved the limp curtains that can separate my bed from the other beds in here. It was perhaps once the kind of green that reminded people of spring-time and hope, but it faded so much that the hue is insipid. The room was an undertone of bleach and the floor is simply grey. At the far end of the room are windows in brown metal frames, only openable at the top. There are stands for intravenous drips and monitors. At the door are dispensers and rubber gloves, hand sanitizer and soap. These items only reinforce my fear of germs, they are so ubiquitous here that cleaning mandatory every time a doorway is passed or a patient is touched. But maybe the nurses will forget, or not wash properly, then what ? I get sicker ?

I sighed looking at the ceiling no one has visited me the full time I've been here. My sadness is a hollowness, I couldn't tell you what's worse. Sometimes my hollowness is a shell, holding in a thousand ocean of tears. Sometimes it feels like it holds a thousand pieces of glass that are wedged in between my soul and body. I missed him so much Min Yoongi the man who made me feel safe, when he was with me the pain stopped.

I had hope he would come visit me and stay but it's almost been a year, for one full year the window had been my only connection to the outside world. I felt a presence near maybe someone has finally come to visit me..agh don't be stupid Jimin it's been a year.

The nurse walked into my room "Mr Park you have a visitor" she said walking back out

My eyes widened in shock and disbelief, my bowls suddenly churned. Oh god, I prayed don't let this happen, not now..I lay there fighting the terrible loosening of my bowels, the need to vomit, I held the disgusting feeling down and I turned on my side taking deep breaths. Suddenly I felt a hand touch my shoulder softly, I jump at the touch I try and speak but a sigh of anxiety just leaves my mouth.

"Jimin" the almost monotone voice says, just hearing his voice made me hopeful

I turned around sitting up, my emotions were mixed with anger and love. My knuckles were turning white from clenching my fists too hard "a year" I choked out "a full year Yoongi where have you been"

He sighed out "I was busy.." he said putting the flowers on the bedside table

I knew he was lying it made me even more angrier "you're lying why don't you just fucking tell the truth for once ?"

I could feel him get angrier he gripped the bed clothes tightly  "Jimin stop"

"Stop what ? Stop telling the truth ? You didn't care..you never did" tears streamed down my face

"That's not true Jimin you know it isn't, I didn't come to fight with you" he said glaring at me

"Why are you here then Yoongi ? Just leave like everyone did" I said turning my head

Yoongi grabbed me looking into my eyes "Stop this Jimin, you really wanna know why I didn't visit you for a year ?! I've been too scared to see you because I can't see the person I loved for so long die" he said his were eyes glossy filled with hurt and pain, he covered his face with his hands and sobbed the tears dripped in between his the gaps of his fingers onto the grey floor.

Suddenly all the anger I felt washed away all I felt was love "I love you too Yoongi" I said, the words I've wanted to say for the longest time

Yoongi's
Pov

I looked at him shocked, I never thought I'd be loved by you. I missed you.I really did. I see the pain in his eyes. It has sat there since the day he found out he was dying. Trapped in confusion we all carry. Why ? The question we all asked when you told us you had one year. Love, The love he would have given were it not for the scars. It's still there, and one day I'll set it free,  he knows I'm not perfect, yet I love him and he returns my love. I know what love means love is when I look at him, love is what makes me feel safe and wanted, Love is when I see him happy. Love is here with him, seeing his face wanting to smash my lips on his lips caress his body until his final breaths. Love is Park Jimin and I don't want to love anybody else but him
________________________________
'It's your words
that gave me courage

It became my
light that would
guide me to the
right path again'

—
-emer