CANDOR

Cripples You Severely

I once knew a guy who was madly in love with a girl for nearly half a decade, but that girl hated him every second of it, and he knew it. Still, he pursued her even when she purposefully told all her friends how much he despised him when he was within earshot.

One time on a Valentine's Day, he had brought her chocolates, balloons, and a teddy bear, but when he went to give it to her, she was kissing another dude. The look on the guy's face... I don't think there's anything like watching a person trying desperately to be strong and hold their tears in. He placed the gifts on a table nearby and walked away as the girl continued to let the other guy reach second base with her.

Even after that, I was certain the boy would polish her shoes with his tongue if that was what he had to do. It wasn't that he didn't get the message that she would never like him, it was just that he was a stubborn fool.

I used to wonder "what kind of idiot would put them self through that much suffering and torture just for a girl?" Ironically now, I find myself heading down the same path, and I finally know the answer: an idiot who's in love.

I used to think that all those talks about the power of love were just hippy nonsense, but now I feel this pull in my chest that cries to do things that I would never had even imagined my self doing a year or even a month ago.

And it scares me. Today, she's a reason for me to get out of bed and be the best that I can, but knowing me, tomorrow could be something drastically different.

There's the quote "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger," but whoever said it forgot to mention that what doesn't kill you could also severely cripple you.

It makes me ask myself, "should I continue this expedition in pursuit of this holy grail, Love, or should I turn back before it's too late, and I get my self hurt?"

But the problem with that question is that even if I know what I should do, in truth, I know that I can't always control myself from doing what I want to do, especially if it's the thing I want most.

But at the same time, this infatuation is driving me mad, and I think I've reached the point where I can't see quite as clearly as I could before.

I've always been a person who follows his intuition, and this time my intuition is telling me that this will not end well for me. Still, it's like I'm turning a coin in my palm, expecting one side to magically change, and I can't stop.

I see my self doing some thing stupid soon. And when I'm doing it, I will know it. And I will know the outcome to be devastating. And knowing that, I will still follow through.

The only thing I'm waiting for is a miracle to stop me from going any further down this road.

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Cripples You Severely was written and edited by me, Common of the Sovereign Minds.