Iris

Chapter 7

Chapter 7

The darkness was peaceful, was calm, quiet, tranquil. To die would be so much easier. It felt like what I must do, the darkness said so. It called to me, beckoning me forward, to finally move on and forget the world. I could forget my pain, forget my shame, and finally be happy. But, there was a voice. It was so far away, yet felt so close. It said my name, over, and over again. It was pleading. What for? What did I forget to do? It was getting insistent. I thought I recognized that voice. A large part of me was curious to find out who owned that voice. Slowly, very slowly, my consciousness began to wake. I was able to breathe, to feel. I felt my heart beating steadily, and I felt something warm and firm gripping my right hand. I could hear. I could hear a constant beeping, that followed the same rhythm as my heart. Finally, I could see. It was merely fog at first, but as my eyes opened wider, I could begin to make out little details. The room was white, but an off white, something not too pleasant to stare at. I saw a small television in front of me, playing some random infomercial. Then I looked down to see what had a death grip on my hand. It was another hand, one belonging to a male, a very tan one at that. I traced the hand to an arm, then a shoulder, then an entire person. They were fit, tan, and had semi-long black hair. They were crying, tears fell onto the sheet on the bed. I could hear him whisper, he whispered my name, pleading for me to come back. My lips slowly opened, as my voice, so quiet it was nearly non-existent, forced out speech. “….Derek..” His head looked up with lightning speed. His brown eyes bloodshot with bags underneath. Lines of past tears trailed his cheeks. Quickly he pounced on me in a tight hug. “Aaron,” he whispered, “You’re alive, you’re okay. Thank you, thank you…. Please don’t leave me… you promised.” I reached up and ran my hand through his thick hair, ever so soft. Derek nuzzled his face to my shoulder as I pet him. Sobs had his body shaking. I raised my left arm to hug him back, but it caused me sharp pain to do so. I yelped and he looked to see what happened. He rested a hand on my left one, signaling for me not to move it. I gazed at the scarred word engraved into my skin. Faggot. I had forever marked myself for the world to see. Derek ran a hand lightly over the scar, careful not to press. My skin burned with longing anywhere he touched or went near. “Aaron, I’m so sorry.” I looked into his eyes and asked quietly, “What have you to be sorry for?” He laid a hand on my chest. “I wasn’t there, I couldn’t stop this. This happened, and I should have been there for you. I can’t lose you, you mean too much to me.” My head rested against the pillow. I sighed sadly. “You’d move on eventually, it wouldn’t take long. You have Sabrina to be there for you. Not to mention all of the other people you’re friends with. Why should losing me matter?” His eyes filled with a quiet fury. “Don’t you get it? You are so much more to me than what you think. You mean the world to me. I haven’t left this bed in days. I wanted to be the first person to see your beautiful eyes when they opened. Aaron, I…” he trailed off. I waited for the end of his sentence in patience. He leaned down and whispered into my ear, “I’m in love with you.” It wasn’t possible. That couldn’t have been what he said. I must have misheard him. This whole moment must be a dream. That couldn’t be his voice saying that he loved me. Those couldn’t be his eyes looking at me with want, need, and care. And those definitely couldn’t be his lips reaching towards mine. Or maybe, they were, because this feeling was all too real. The sensation was all too clear. My skin was on fire all over. My lips were lost in the feeling. I let my eyes slide closed, knowing I was safe in his embrace as his arms wrapped around my shoulders and neck. My hand slipped up into his thick hair and entangled itself there. It was so soft, like getting lost in a warm ocean. I forgot my pain, forgot my scars, forgot the person I once was. Because at last, I was whole again.