the realms of day and night. || bts poetry

part 42 - don't leave me

[Love Yourself - 태형]
.
Before I was able to realize what I just did
Was the blood running down my fingers already
Seeing this monsters liveless body falling down
And feeling an uneasy satisfaction

It was over now, wasn't it?
This asshole terrorizing my sister
Beating her up, because he was drunk
And finally I was not just watching.

But when I asked her if she was alright
She backed off, told me to get away
That not he, but me was the monster
In this moment I finally realized what I just did

She hid in her room so I wouldn't hurt her, too.
Even if I was never able to hurt her in any way
I wanted to talk to her, but she told me to leave
To leave her life and never come back again

And maybe that was the best option
To dispose of the murder and leave
And leave her life and give her the opportunity
To live a peaceful life from now on

Without the monster I killed, the monster I am.
You already left me with closing your door
Asking myself, would you not have left me
If I made a different choice?

After returning from the sea I didn't have friends
I didn't have anyone, but myself
I didn't have a home or a job
I just lived and terrorized the streets

Constantly running away from the police
But never make humanity forget who I was
Leaving my marks, the colors on the walls
Just like I'm living with my mark, the stigma.

Months later I saw the flyers with my face on
Flying around everywhere and nowhere
People already looked at me, knew I was the one
That she was looking for

Did she miss me? Was she sorry to tell me to leave...?
Even if she was I knew I couldn't return
I'm dangerous. I'm not good for her.
I'm not worth to call myself her brother anymore.

But then you stepped into my life.
I only saw your reflection first
And it was like looking into the mirror
Shop-lifting to get through life

I knew how that felt like. I felt sorry.
I didn't want you to end up just like me
So I paid the things and I felt good after a long time
Even though you didn't even bother to say thank you

You seemed...rejecting at first
But followed me to everywhere after that
Even though I didn't know where I was going
You were always following me like my shadow

Your reminded me of my sister
My sister I always took care of before
So I was happy to have someone who accepts me
The same way I accepted you and your past

I realized I wanted to leave behind my old life completely
And an old friend calling me for whatever reason
Made my decision a lot easier, so I got rid of my phone
I had you - who did I need after all now?

Maybe I should have stopped leaving my marks
Together with you, one day, of course
Police would chase me, chase us
Even though you were innocent

In the end I've always been a bad influence
For everyone who ever stepped into my life
Police caught me already. Several times.
So I went out and sacrificed myself

I didn't want to leave you
How would you get through your day without me?
But I wanted to protect you from the police
I always sacrifice my life for the people I love

I'm dangerous. I'm not good for you.
Probably leaving you alone with the same question:
Wouldn't you have left me
If I made a different choice?