One Night in January

Chapter 4

Corrine had fallen asleep on my chest as we laid in my bed. My chest was wet with her tears and I envied her ability to sleep. 

As I stared up at the ceiling my mind raced in a million different directions. A baby. Me, a father. what the fuck were we going to do? By hugging her I had passed the point of no return. I was officially stuck. Maybe I could go to Yale and just see the kid on breaks and video chat? I still had the year left, so I would be here when it was born. But where would it live? Was Corrine planning to drop out? Unable to keep my panic to myself any longer I quickly sat up. Corrine fell against the bed and woke up. 

"What the fuck are we going to do, Corrine?" I finally asked leaning forward and running my hand through my hair. Corrine wiped her eyes and looked at me. Please don't cry again. 

"I don't know," she finally said. I got up and began to pace. How could she not have a plan? 

"How long have you known?"

"Known what?"

"That the sky is blue," I responded sarcastically. "Damnit, Corrine! That you're pregnant, how long have you known?" She frowned, obviously hurt by my tone. 

"I took the test last night. But I read that the test is most accurate with your first pee in the morning. So I took another test this morning and I still didn't believe it so I took more. And then I realized I needed to tell you. Because, I thought you'd leave, and that would be the toughest. So when you didn't leave that threw me off." I stood there unsure of what to say. 

"Blake, listen," she said quietly as she stood up and walked towards me. "When I said you had a bright future and I didn't want you to ruin it, I meant it. You can still walk away from all of this, right now, if you want. I won't hold it against you." Her blue eyes, filled with sympathy, pierced through me. 

I opened my mouth to speak but stopped when I felt tears began to burn through the back of my eyes. 

"Corrine, I'm so fucking scared. I want to be clear that I'm not mad at you. This isn't your fault and I don't blame you or anything, ok? My whole life has just been meticulously planned out and this was never ever part of any plan, ok? And I want to do the right thing. I just know I'm not happy about this, and I'm scared of losing everything." Corrine looked at the floor to collect her thoughts before looking up at me again. 

"So does that mean you're staying or going?" How was it possible that such a simple question was so complicated? 

"I'm not running away, no, but Corrine, what do you even want?" We both knew that abortion wasn't an option. I mean, if Corrine wanted one, I wasn't sure how I'd feel. Growing up in the south, even the non-religious people tended to be pro-life. It was something pushed on you from a young age. I had never thought about it before because I never thought I'd be in this situation. 

"I'm still figuring this out, too, how I feel," she said. "I've always wanted to be a mom, Blake. You know how you want to be a lawyer? Well, I want to be a mom. But, this isn't how I pictured it. I thought I'd be married and a third-grade teacher and be I don't know, in love with my husband. And our dog." We both smiled. "So this isn't what I planned. But sometimes the biggest gifts come in the ugliest packages. I just don't know if this is my package to open." I understood what she meant. There was a moment of silence. 

"No matter what we decide our lives change," I finally managed to say. She nodded. 

"So I think it's important we both take some time and think about what we both really want. Let's get back together, in, I don't know a week? And talk." I nodded. 

"Ok."

"Ok." She smiled and headed towards the door. 

"Please, if you need anything, let me know." She smiled. 

"You too." And with that, she left. And I knew the next time I saw her we would literally be chopping up and reorgnaizing my entire life.