Same Mistakes Again?

Chapter 10: Part 2

BRADFORD, WEST YORKSHIRE

8:35am

Tabitha’s POV

I froze in fear, and shivered in disbelief. The silenced atmosphere sung around me, eating my surroundings leaving nothing but the sighs of my loneliness. I was left there with my mouth moving wordlessly, I blinked twice at the test I was about to take. I eventually placed it back inside its package, and gazed at it for a while.

I reached inside for the package, but immediately stopped myself. I knew I had to, but I knew that whatever the reading was, it would determine who the future me would be. Positive, I stop and forget about the last month or so of my life as I’m not even sure how I’ll be able to tell anyone, let alone Zayn, I’ve lied to him so much but some things are better left unsaid, but I know that it will never be as easy as that.

Negative, I lie to myself and my family, then continue lying to Zayn, and go on with the way I am, and I know this way won’t be easy either. I want a new me, but not like this. I don’t want to change this way, and I know either way I will end up hurting the people I love and that’s the last thing I would ever want to do.

My thoughts were suddenly shattered by the loud rings echoing from my phone. I picked it out of the front pocket of my dungarees and opened up the text. New message from Barnaby, I mentally rolled my eyes at how convenient his timing was.

New message from: Barna Naan Bread :)

Still up in Bradford? What shall I do with the stash? Still want it? Let me know soon  

I puffed out a sigh at the many thoughts running through my mind. I rubbed my forehead in frustration, and gaped at the message. One corner of my mouth tilted slightly upward and I selected the reply button on the screen and quickly typed:

Still up in Bradford and think I will be for a while. I’ve still got quite a bit, so should last me for another week and a bit, I’ll text you when I’ve completely run out…keep it for now. Thanks.

Before I could stop myself, I hastily sent the text. When soon after a rush of regret hit me. I shook my head in disappointment and tried to block the thoughts of drugs and withdrawals out of my mind, but flashes of me crying, screaming, sweating, yelping, craving, and a baby weeping in the background instantly caused me to flinch.

 But this was the last thing I wanted to face, right now, although I knew I would have to soon. I inhaled a long breath, and eventually blew it out and nippily pulled the test out of the package and slightly raised an eyebrow.

I gazed at it and finally nodded my head. I had to do it, no matter how much I really didn’t want to, I needed to know. I pulled myself up and walked over to the toilet. I swallowed the lump rising in my throat, and suddenly I could feel my face burn up, and my stomach felt as if it was going for gold in the Olympics trampolining but I tried to ignore it, and gain some courage. The time was now; and now was the time to know the truth.

8:55am

I gawked at the test lying astray on the edge of the sink. It had been 10 minutes. Every time I attempted to approach it, I flipped out and ran back to hiding in the corner. Just stared. Nothing else and I could feel my pulse beating in my ears, blocking out all other sound except the breath that was raggedly moving in and out of my mouth. I could not take my eyes away from the other side of the room. Nothing else mattered. I could no longer control my hands; they were shaking in an odd trembling rhythm.

I blinked continuously as I once again tried to walk to the sink, when a sudden flow of dread came creeping up my stomach. I stopped dead in my tracks and forced myself to go back.

“Come on, you fucking coward,” I whispered continuously to myself as I shut my eyes and tried to recover a normal breathing rate. I dashed over to the sink, and held out a hand but immediately turned my head compelling myself to not look. Without haste I grabbed hold of the test and endeavored to open my eyes but it felt as if they were completely glued together.

“Tabs!” I heard Zayn yelp from what heard like downstairs. I promptly opened my eyes but still had my head turned away.

“Y-y-yeah,” I finally loudly stuttered.

“Mums out, and I’m taking the girls shopping in town for a bit,” he began, “You wanna come? Or you alright on your own babe?” he shouted once more.

“E-e-er I’m fine here, you go out,”

“You sure you’re alright on your own? You’ve been in there practically all morning,” he yelled.

“Don’t worry about me, you have fun,” I blasted through the door.

“Alright babe, see you later,” he cried out slowly with a slight tone of concern in his voice. Finally I heard a thump of the door closing followed by the booming chatter and laughter of his sisters gossiping.

About 5 minutes after they left, I opened the bathroom door and entered the bedroom, still making no eye contact with the reading whatsoever. I sat twitchily on the edge of the bed and waited. Waited for courage, waited for whatever life had to spit out at me. I rolled my eyes in disappointment at how stupid I was being. When suddenly an idea came springing into mind, I reached for a coin in the pocket of my jacket.

“Heads, I look at it, tails I throw it away and forget about how stupid I’m being,” I said underneath my breath whilst flipping the coin up in the air and hauling it back on to the back of my hand. I blinked. Heads.

“Bloody hell,” I spluttered and violently threw the coin to the ground, when a sudden abrupt knock tapped at the door. Probably Zayn forgetting his phone or keys, typical, I thought. I hid the test behind my back and sluggishly tiptoed downstairs and padded over across to the front door and rapidly opened the door.

My mouth fell open ever so slightly and my brain suddenly became short-circuited and felt as if it needed to be rebooted. Around me, everything was in fast-forward while I was motionless in the middle of it all. My eyes blinked in to astonishment and I felt the pulse within my veins hurriedly increase and my arms fell to their sides in absolute shock.

“Tabitha,” he said as if it rolled off of his tongue, whilst the corners of his mouth were mischievously tilted upwards, I gazed as his grin grew wider and the twinkle in his eyes broadened.

“Niall,” I eventually whispered incredibly slowly as I was continuously blinking. This wasn’t happening. It was all a dream, but once I blinked more it became more and more real. I watched as his eyes followed to what was in my right hand. My eyebrows closed in to each other in confusion and then glanced over to what was in my hand.

“You’re pregnant,” he hissed as I glared at the color draining from his skin then dropped the bouquet of lilies to ground.