Save You (Lashton AU)

Chapter 29

Ashton's POV

Luke passed away last night.

I knew it was coming, but I didn't prepare myself for it. I don't think I've ever been this depressed and numb.

I went to his room this morning but it was empty, making my heart drop and blood freeze. When I asked the lady at the reception desk they told me what had happened just hours earlier. His doctor walked up to me, handing me three folded letters and I felt my heart shatter into two. He didn't say anything, only patting my back and walking down the hall to clear up Luke's old room to move another patient in.

I stood there, in the middle of a waiting room with people walking past by me for nearly an hour because I couldn't believe it. Luke's brothers were there, trying to get me to say something but I just couldn't.

I looked at the notes in my hand and walked home, head hung low and heart aching. I passed Calum and Michael's place, slipping one of the notes from under the door. I didn't want to talk to them right now, I didn't want to be the one giving them the news.

Instead I went back home; or the house. It didn't feel like home without Luke there, I was alone now. I pushed my feet to the room, where we used to sleep together in, cuddled up and our feet tangled with one another. The was a trace of his body on the mattress, it was like he was there, sitting there right before my eyes but it was just me being crazy and stupid.

I walked towards the closet and took out his flannel, one that he used to wear all the time. I put it on and snuggled to it, smelling his faded scent. My nose was filled with cigarette smoke and I willed my tears away; those stupid addictions that killed him.

We had our own addictions and instead of helping himself, he tried helping me. If only he cared about his health instead of mine, things could have turned out differently. It was all my fault. It's always my fault. I could almost hear Luke telling me that it wasn't and it made me smile although I probably looked crazy again.

A knock was heard from outside and I did everything I could to get up and walk. It was harder than I'd like to admit, it felt like Luke took half of me with him. I took a breath before opening the door, when I did I was met with Liz's sad expression. I frowned as I saw Luke's face in hers, they looked so alike.

She gave me a sympathetic smile before pulling me into a hug. "I hope you're doing okay, I'm sorry" she said.

I pulled away, looking at her in confusion, "You just lost your son.."

"And you lost the love of your life" she cut me off, making my eyes cast down to the floor.

"I lost my husband and my son, Ben. I know the pain of losing people you love. But I want to know that it's going to be okay" she mumbled sadly. She had puffy and red eyes, a slight shadow under it, and a drained, pale face. She was in pain too, but she was a way stronger person than I would ever be. She lost two sons and a husband, how can she handle that?

I barely recovered the lost of my own mother, how am I ever going to get past this? I'm alone in Melbourne with no family, no money, no Luke.

Luke wasn't dead. He was just gone for a while, he'll be back. I looked at the notes in my hand, giving the designated one to Liz. She looked at it, thoroughly confused but after a minute she figured out what it was. She thanked my quickly, turning around and leaving me by myself at the door.

I sat on the couch, looking at the edges of the note and twirling it around in my fingers. My name was messily written in his hand writing on the front of the note. I opened it, seeing the lettering on it before crumbling it and throwing it to the floor.

He wasn't dead.

I couldn't read the note, I don't want to accept this because it just wasn't real. I picked it up, taking it to the kitchen and turning the stove on. I dangled the note on top of the flame, edging it closer but I couldn't do it. I retreated my form, looking at the piece of paper in my hands before stuffing it in my pocket and walking away.

I went into the shower, turning on the cold water and stripping down my clothing. I stepped in, the water immediately freezing me into a deadly temperature. My teeth clattered and body shook, but I didn't get out, instead I sat in the tub, legs to my chest and arms wrapped around them.

I felt the droplets of water hitting my head and back, each of them filling the tub up more and more. Once it was filled to the top, I turned the knob left, turning it off, then sat there.

After a while the water made my skin old and wrinkily. I grimaced at how it felt but nonetheless ignored it. An hour passed and I stepped out, wrapping a towel around my waist and going into the bedroom.

It was quiet, there was no one giggling about my bare chest or whining to get into bed already so we can cuddle. There was no mess or annoying remarks about my clean freak self. It was just myself and my haunting thoughts.

I picked up Luke's thrown guitar and leaned it against the wall, observing the way it was beaten up and old. I shook my head and grabbed the neck of it, throwing it into the closet.

My skin was still wet when I put clothes on, making it hard for my jeans to slide in. I gave up and put on sweats instead. I laid in the bed, putting the covers over my head although it was pretty warm in here. I shivered and turned to my side, expecting a body to be there but there was nothing.

There was only a trace of his head on the pillow case and nothing else. A tear slid down my cheek and I grabbed the pillow, hugging it the way I used to hug Luke. I smiled painfully at the distinct smell and fell asleep with it.

**

A/N: y'all hear me crying because I'm crying idk why, this isn't even sad.

Okay bye have a good day x