Waving Through A Window

When You're Falling In A Forest... (Epilouge)

   Hello! I'm back from a year hiatus and decided to start writing again and I'm very excited because.. I don't really have a plan for this story I'm just kind of rolling with the punches. The title of this story has to do with the fact that I love this song from Dear Evan Hansen, but also because it has to do with depression and anxiety. No one will kill themselves don't worry. I'm trying to listen to the rest of the soundtrack at the moment but I'm just so stuck on this one song.   

   Anyway, this story will deal with some difficult topics and sexuality "issues". May also involve genders the world doesn't really accept. But I'm here for equality and I hope you will enjoy reading this story as much as I will be writing it. Be warned, I'm not an experienced writer and I will make errors. When you see one, address it and I will fix it immediately.

   See ya after this chapter my fellow... uh.. species. Yes.

[Levi]
   I wake up clutching my blankets and feeling as if my hands are on too tight. I immediately try to screw off my hands as if I can see what's causing them to feel that way. I'm interrupted by someone knocking on my door. Panicked! I look at the clock.

2:30 AM

   Why is anyone up? I slowly creep out of my bed and walk to the door. I hear a soft cry outside of it. Eliana.. I open it and see my little sister sobbing softly, I quickly grab her and ask her what's wrong. She only replies with a loud whimper as I carry her to my bed and shut the door.

   "Why aren't I normal Levi?" Eliana looks at me with red, puffy eyes. "I want to be just like the other girls and like princesses and barbies and boys.. I just don't Levi!" She latches onto me and sobs into my chest. I rub her head and try to get her to calm down. She glances up at me and her lip quivers. "I don't even feel like I'm a girl.. or a boy.. I don't want to.. I just want to cut off all my hair."

   "Hey Eliana.." I managed to whisper. "It's okay, this is what growing up is. You don't know what your doing or what you're feeling like.. it just feels like you're messing up all the time. You're only eleven, you're barely in middle school. I believe in you. You will figure out what's right." I grin at her almost sarcastically, "Hey I'll even take you to get your hair cut tomorrow, how does that sound?" When she hears those words leave my mouth she just beams at me and her cries become joyful. She mutters a lot of thank yous and you're the best brother in the world. Well.. maybe not that.

   "Levi, can I sleep with you tonight?" She managed to say after her cries. I kiss her forehead and say that she can. She immediately got under my red comforter, resting her head on a pillow still holding onto my arm. I'm only 14.. I know nothing about growing up.. but I just know that her struggles are gonna get even more difficult.

*  A Few Months Later *

I started learning piano and finally got that new ukulele I wanted so badly. Eliana shaved the sides of her head and let the middle be just long enough to pull up in a small ponytail. She didn't like having her hair up so she felt mostly comfortable with it down and in her face. It suits her round face and round eyes. She also convinced me to take her to bleach her hair.. after asking Mom of course. She seems so much more confident in herself and much more comfortable. I'm so proud of her.

*  One Year Later  *

   Eliana now wants to be called "Eli" which I thought was fine but my dad was a bit upset about it. Considering he chose her name. She also got her first phone before her seventh grade year, an iPhone SE. I helped pay for it since she was unable to get a job. I have one at a small music shop in my town, it helped me get a new keyboard so I could work on writing and singing. Eli tells me that she feels uncomfortable by being called she and her. I can't help but feel bad for her. So I tell her to look up how she feels on the internet, I know that she will find other people that she can relate to. I just want my little sister to be happy.

   I'm starting to realize something about myself as well. I think about that one time in class, I was looking at my paper and trying to figure out a math problem. I couldn't figure out how to do it because well, I suck at Geometry.

*  Few weeks earlier from this period in time  *

   I look at my paper frustrated, as everyone else has already separated into their own individual groups, so I have to figure out how to do this alone. I lay my head on my desk and think about how much I would rather be in bed right now when someone taps me on the shoulder.

   "Hey, um I'm Daemon. You looked like you were stressed. Do you need some help?" A guy with a voice that sounds like chocolate flowing into a river says to me. I look up and see he has tanned skinned with piercing ice blue eyes and dark hair, looking at me with almost some sort of pity. I laugh awkwardly as I feel my heart beat in my chest and butterflies in my stomach. I nod, indicating that I desperately need help with well, everything. He grins and reveals his pearly white teeth. "Let me pull up a chair, okay?" I nod awkwardly, still not saying a word.

   His voice is so enchanting. I think about how he's dressed and how well it suits him. His white shirt is fitted yet it's loose and flowing. He has an unzipped black jacket that hangs so delicately on his broad shoulders. His jeans are loose and well worn, some tears in the knee and shin. He's wearing mismatched ankle socks, one white and one black. As much as that annoys me, I don't get too bothered by it. He also has some red converse on that fit him perfectly. I'm daydreaming about him when I suddenly fall out of my chair while leaning back. I expect to hit my head on the desk behind me when I'm caught by some strong arms. I open my previously clenched shut eyes and see Daemon, my heart beating a million miles a minute.

   "Oh my gosh I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to fall on you I just got.. distracted." My voice cracks at least twice during that sentence. He stifles a laugh as he helps me up. This is when I realize how fucking tall he was for a sophomore. He stands at about 6' 1" meanwhile I'm at about 5' 7". I catch myself staring up at him when he says something that I didn't hear.

   "You've got lovely hazel eyes." I hear his chocolatey voice say as I'm snapped out of my trance. My anxiety goes through the roof as I awkwardly sit back down and start to work through the paper with Daemon.

I'm definitely bisexual.

*  Now ( Summer before senior year)  *

   I've been secretly bisexual for a while now and I'm terrified to come out to my parents. But Eli said they would come out as non binary after realizing how they felt about it. It was difficult to adjust to the new pronouns. But it made me proud of them for being who they are.

   "Hey Levi?" Eli knocks at my door causing me to slam my notebook shut. I get up and open the door. I look at them and see that their eyes are puffy. "I know this situation seems familiar, I'm just afraid to be in high school.. and it's only my freshman year and you're graduating this year and I don't know what I'm going to do without you to stand up for me-" Eli's voice shakes and they start sobbing.

   "You are the most amazing person I know, Eli-" I take their head in my hands. "- You are so brave for being who you are and I love you no matter what you identify as or who you love. You remember that when I'm not there for you, okay?" They look me in the eyes and nod while tears are streaming down their face.

   I know they're gonna do okay.

   Hey guys! I hope you guys enjoyed, I'm gonna be starting school soon so updates will be very slow. Give me some feedback and tell me if y'all like it! See you lovelies later. *Mwah*