Hello there lovely,
When people think of "suicidal" kids they think of one of two things. They either think of us as decked out in all black, blaring some sort of screamo music. Or they think of us as sitting in our rooms, defying our parents, flunking out of school and adding scars to our already scarred up bodies. Not to say that all of that is false, but most of it is.
What if you don't fit into either one of those categories? What if you're the type of kid that fits in with the "popular" crowd? What if you do great in school and love your parents with everthing you have? What if you hate screamo music and you wear the same thing as any other teenager? Does that make you a phony? Does it make your depression or suicidal thoughts any less valid? I think some, most actually, would venture out and say yes. Not in the context of this, but in reality. Let me give you a scenerio, you see a guy, decent looking, hanging out with some friends, smiling, laughing and maybe drinking a beer. He's got a "Just do it" shirt on and some sweet nikes. Would you ever even think he goes home at night to plan his suicide? No. If anything, most would call him a "douche" or envy his "perfect" life.
His life isn't perfect. It's far from that. He had a kid when he was 16 and has been shoved around from family to family up till he was 12. Although he's 18 now, he can't cope with life. Sure, he's happy and "normal" out and about, but he's cold and lonely when he's not. Even though he has the world to conquer in front of him, an amazing girl to call his, a beautiful daughter and a now loving family, He can't help but feel alone and done.
He is told constantly "try harder", "just get over it", "be happy", "stop cutting", "just get help", "take your medicine" and countless other real useful things. What happens when his friends don't understand that you can't cure a mental condition using anything contained in a first aid kit? What happens when his parents don't quite understand why he never wants to leave his room? What happens when his teachers don't get why he struggles to finish HW and comes in with dark circles under his eyes? What happens when his therapist doesn't get why he won't just open up? What happens when he doesn't understand it himself?
As i sit here tonight and write this, I have more emotions running through me than current people in lines going to see The Fault in Our Stars. I feel alone, miserable, unloveable, unhelpful, confused, scared and worthless. I've realized I'll always be judged, for something I honestly have no control over. If i could have a "turn on" and "turn off" switch for my depression and suicidal thoughts, you better believe this would be easier to cope with. I'm longing to be fixed, to be cured. I'm tired of not wanting to be here anymore. Depression is killing me more than any blade or pill could. It's robbed me of my life and my happiness.
Globally, more than 350 million people suffer from depression. I know I'm one person. Just an 18 year old boy from a small town in Missouri, but I want to leave an impact. I want to leave a legacy of sorts. I want to end this stigma that depression is something you can "just get over". I want to end the idea that "only emo people are depressed". (what is an "emo" anyways?). Stand up. Share your story. Don't let anyone go through this alone.
-Someone whose just trying to save a life.
"You’re going to be sad.
You’re going to want to scream and punch things.
Do it.
Let out every ounce of anger you have.
Sit on the floor and cry until you feel numb.
Listen to songs that make your heart sink to your feet.
Write angry letters to all the people who have broken you, left you, ignored you or hurt you.
Throw your hairbrush at the wall.
Do it twelve times.
Do it until you feel like you can breathe again.
You’re going to be sad.
You’re going to want to hurt yourself.
Don’t you dare do it.
Sit on the floor and watch cartoons like you did when you were little.
Listen to songs that make you want to dance around your bedroom in your underwear at 3 A.M.
Make paper airplanes out of those angry letters and watch them soar into the fireplace.
Brush all the knots out of your hair and say “I am worth it” into the mirror.
Say it twelve times.
Say it until you feel like you can breathe again.
You’re going to be sad.
You’re going to get through it."
-Someones tumblr blog.
