Just Fluff and Stuff

Gravity

"Have you taped yourself up well?" my mom whispered to me. I nodded and adjusted the bag slung over my arm. It was habit for her to ask me on the way to classes just in case. Her dream for me was becoming a reality and all it took was a little tape and a lot of practise. As an only child, and the only one she could ever have, it was up to me to make her dreams come true. To have a ballerina in the family.

Only hitch, I was a boy. That meant to her that I should tape it up and pretend to be her little girl. I might've protested if I didn't like pink, purple, glitter and dancing. So I had spent most of my young life being a girl to the general population, and it didn't bother me in the slightest. I preferred all the things I got as a girl. The teddy bears, the cute dresses, the nail polish and long hair. I figured that being a dancer was a small price to pay.

So here I was in the studio, in my pale pink dance outfit and hair bun awaiting the instructor. A couple of the girls giggled with me because we had heard another studio's dancers were coming in today to join us. It was three boys in their advanced class. All three of them were older and we were going to be learning something new with them. I wiggled my feet around, flexing my toes under and back to warm up as we waited.

"Enough chatter ladies, let us get to our warm ups now." The instructor clapped her hands and we all lined up along the mirrored wall. I pulled my leg up and stretched across the bar, pointing and flexing. We bent our knees and straightened, leaned over and back, carefully positioned our hands, and watched out of the corner of our eyes as the male dancers came into the room.

They were dressed in black. Their strong legs and arms standing out with corded muscles as they stood at least a head taller than the girls. I was in awe. This is what I could have been if I had done ballet as a boy. They did jumps across the floor and poses along the opposite wall as they warmed up as well. I saw them glancing in our direction, grinning to each other at the excitement in the room.

"Alright class gather around. Today we will be doing different lifts for the first time. I know many of you will be nervous, but not to worry. These boys are a more advanced class and quite proficient with dance. Trust them." She called out to us. Suddenly I was in a panic. What was I going to do? I knew what different lifts involved, I had seen them often enough. The single arm one meant one of these boys was going to put his hand on my crotch!

How the hell was I supposed to hide my junk with a boy's hand on my crotch? I couldn't. I was small but not that small. My career as a ballerina was about to come to an end. I thought I might have until puberty hit me full force but nope, this was it. I could either refuse to do the lift and be ridiculed out of class, do the lift and be dropped on my arse by one of these boys, maybe chased out of ballet forever for keeping it secret, or... think, come on, think!

The girls were starting on the one on ones with the boys, so I moved to the back of the group and hid. Maybe if I went last they would run out of time. Sadly, it seemed that everyone was having an amazing time. They were laughing and stumbling now and then with their footing as they figured out how to position and balance. I wished suddenly that I had truly been made a girl so I could do the lifts without even thinking about it. I sighed and tried not to get myself worked up.

"Next!" Like a death sentence the instructor called the last three girls up. One of them being me. I approached the boy hesitantly, not quite meeting his eyes. I had been watching the whole class and working on my form. The first few went okay, just felt awkward with my butt in his face. Last was the one arm lift, but just at the last second I pulled away. I was blushing madly. I couldn't do it. There was no way. I covered my face with my hands in embarrassment.

"Hey, what's the matter? Don't think about it so much. It is just a lift. C'mon. The boy rubbed my back and looked at me with his gentle eyes. I leaked a tear when I thought how he would react if he knew the truth. I shook my head.

"I can't. I just can't do it. You will drop me. I know it." I watched his surprised look and little bit of irritation.

"I'm not going to drop you. I am very strong. Trust me." He crossed his arms and I debated for a moment. He said to trust him. Maybe... I will just tell him. I grabbed his arm and pulled him towards me to whisper in his ear.

"You don't understand. I'm a boy. They don't know. If you... well I didn't want to surprise you." I cupped my hand around and breathed it into his ear so no one else could hear me. His eyes popped out in surprise and he looked me over. He shook his head disbelievingly. I nodded. He raised a brow and looked me over again. I blushed again at the close gaze.

Long, lean, slightly curvy dancer's figure -check. Super flexible body and toe shoes -check. Nail polish and trimmed manicure -check. Long hair wrapped into a bun -check. Light feminine makeup -check. I could tell he was having troubles believing it, so I got into position again and motioned for us to do the lift. He was prepared at least, and so was I. This would be uncomfortable at best.

I had to balance myself carefully or I would fall. I went through the steps and hissed as he placed his hand and lifted me up into the air, posed for a moment and then dropped me back to the ground. I had done it. His face looked a little pale. He was in shock and I was in pain. The things I did for ballet shocked even myself some days. He whispered into my ear and I lifted my brows.

"Let's try it again, this time I want you to shift your weight to counter where I put my hand. Try to keep position." I nodded and got back into place. I went through the motions and this time he shifted his thumb into the crook of my leg more. I had to shift my weight and pose with my balance off-centre, but it didn't crush my crotch. We did it a few times like that, sort of a contra-pose to offset the balance.

"Lovely, my dears, simply lovely. Your balance is spot on." The instructor commented as she watched us. She adjusted my arms a bit and had me arch my back more. We were both sweating profusely by the end and everyone gave a round of applause to the boys to thank them for their help at the end of class. I was a little in shock that my partner had not outed me to the whole class.

Even now he stood silently, looking over at me every now and then with a pensive look. I bit my lip and tried to focus on the instructor's homework for us. We were given the all clear to head out and I made my way to my bag with my shoes. I carefully unwrapped my ribbons and tossed the shoes into my bag. Then I removed the cotton and wrapping before wiping my poor abused feet with a towel.

Socks and comfortable shoes slipped on, I threw on my sweatpants and jacket to wait for my mom to come pick me up. She was a little late. I sat against the wall and looked up as a shadow towered over me. It was him. I blushed. He asked to sit next to me and I nodded okay. We sat in silence for a minute. I looked over at him and he was staring back at me.

"Are you... trans or whatever?" He asked me very quietly after looking to see that no one was listening in. I shrugged. I picked at a thread on my hot pink sweats and sighed to myself.

"Sort of. I don't really label it. I just really like what I like and am how I am. Does it make me a girl? Not exactly, but most people wouldn't accept me as a guy so..." I gulped. My explanation sounded confused even to me.

"Do you want to be accepted as a guy?" He asked me. I thought about it. My answer was both. 

"Yes and no. I want to be accepted as me. Like, all of me." I blinked up at him. He smiled.

"Hello. My name is Dylan. What's yours?" He stuck out his hand and I awkwardly shook it with a strange look on my face.

"Uh, Em. Short for Emery, but I go by Emily." I stumbled. It had been a long time since I had told anyone about my other name. I crooked a smile at him and he bumped shoulders with me.

"Nice to meet you Emery. Do you want to hang out sometime?" He asked me. I looked down at my lap. I nodded and blushed. I offered my phone to him with the address book open. He put in his number and then shot himself a quick text.

"Thanks. That's my mom. I have to go." I pointed at the car pulling up with a concerned looking parent inside.

"Okay, I will see you soon?" He asked, getting up and helping me to my feet.

"Yeah!" I grinned happily. He leaned over and kissed my cheek. Then he winked and left me gaping at his back.

"Honey? Is everything okay?" I heard my mom say through the window.

"Yeah mom. Everything is great."