Prove Myself (Hidan Story)

Chapter 10

At first Shisai remained where she was, not sure what to do.

Even with how this entire situation had panned out, she hadn't thought the day would turn out like this. Hidan had been right, in a way, as she hadn't been listening as much as she should have. But what he had said just got under her skin, reminding her again and again that she hadn't done a thing to deserve being immortal. She had never wanted to appear as if she was showing off to him about it; that she was strutting out around acting as if she was better than him because he'd had to do all that work to get there. It was a large part of the reason Shisai had been so determined to complete her training and finally carry out a ritual for the first time. Then, at least, she might be able to push aside some of the guilt she felt towards the whole thing. As much as Hidan made her angry, she couldn't deny anything of what he said, and it had put her off the training.

With how she was feeling, Shisai was hesitant about returning to the hideout and trying to do something about the fact Hidan had stormed off. Having these thoughts already pushed to the front of her mind, Shisai didn't like the idea of it continuing the moment she began talking to him again. Not to mention there was the horrible concept of this being how her entire training would go. No discussion, no in-depth descriptions or explanations, and the constant possibility for either of them walking away half way through the day. Her training was never going to be completed if Hidan couldn't deal with her for more than a few hours each day, and if Shisai became so stuck in her thoughts that she wasn't listening properly to what Hidan had to say.

Staring at the ground beneath her, Shisai abruptly clenched her fists and closed her eyes, taking a deep breath and pushing all these concerns aside. She wanted to complete her training, and understood that completely and utterly. How could she be doing this to herself? How many times had she said to herself that no matter what Hidan would throw at her, she would put up with it and persist in order to achieve her goals? That she could deal with everything that came her way because being a Jashinist was what she wanted most? And yet even having told herself that, she was sitting there staring forlornly at the ground, too scared to go to the hideout. But shaking her head, Shisai opened her eyes and stood up, turning quickly and walking back to the hideout, not about to let that take over her. She might have lived in temples all her life, but she was not a frightened little rabbit afraid of the world--and she wasn't afraid of Hidan, either.

A few minutes later and she arrived back at the building, and releasing a breath, attempting to prepare herself, Shisai let her anger flow out of her. Coming at him aggressively would only make Hidan worse, more willing to fight back at the idea she was yelling at him even with what he thought of her. If Shisai was going to do this, she had to take the middle road. Not too strong, but not too weak. She had to make it clear she didn't want her training to end for the day, but not as if she was attempting to force him into it. Gritting her teeth, her irritation rising a little at how difficult it was to deal with Hidan, Shisai shook it off and fully entered the building now, closing the door quietly behind her and wondering where Hidan would be.

Deciding to just take a look around for the time being, Shisai headed towards the kitchen--and wasn't sure if it was good luck or not as she found Hidan sitting in there eating his lunch. Kisame was doing the same, with Deidara leaning against the counter as he sipped some tea, and as Shisai entered and began to get her own lunch, both of them automatically tensed, glancing between her and Hidan. He had barely glanced up when she entered the room, and hadn't looked at her since she began to get some food. The moment they were together an awkward atmosphere seemed to take over, and neither Kisame nor Deidara were sure what would happen next, meaning they remained silent, Kisame's chewing becoming slower as well as Deidara's sips as they kept their eyes on Hidan and Shisai.

Trying not to grip onto her bowl too much and attempting to ignore her pounding heart, Shisai sat down and took a few mouthfuls, preparing herself for when she would speak up. In a perfect world, she would have asked Kisame and Deidara to leave in order to talk to Hidan alone, but understanding that wasn't about to happen, Shisai knew she would have to go on regardless. When she finally felt as if she had built up the confidence to speak up, she began casually, as if everything that had happened in the forest hadn't happened,

"So, when do you want to continue with the training? Do you want to go back to the clearing to do it?"

To begin with Hidan didn't say anything in return, creating a tension with everyone in the room. Feeling the pressure start to build, wanting him to just come out and say something, even if she knew it was going to be bad, Shisai could only stare at the table, chewing furiously in an attempt to keep her nerves down, glancing up as Hidan finally responded darkly,

"Is that right? Seems to me you were finished the moment I started fucking speaking."

"I was listening," Shisai immediately blurted back, quickly reigning in her anger as she said it, before continuing, quieter this time, "But it's my fault, really. I should have told you everything I've learnt and read over the years so you wouldn't have to go into so much unnecessary detail about things you don't need to mention."

Snorting incredulously at Shisai's words, Hidan took another mouthful, shaking his head as he then replied mockingly,

" 'Unnecessary detail'? I wonder just how much of this fucking training you'll consider to be 'unnecessary detail'. After all, you're already immortal, so I guess plenty of the commandments are just 'unnecessary fucking detail'. Is that what the Way of Jashin is to you entirely?"

"No! I'm a Jashinist, too--" Shisai cut in fiercely, only for Hidan to interrupt harshly,

"Yeah--keep telling yourself that, sweetheart."

With that, he finished his food, standing and dumping his bowl into the sink, then heading straight for the door. He paused only to glance over his shoulder and state bluntly,

"I'll be in my room. Maybe you can try some more training once you've decided to actually fucking commit yourself to this religion, and aren't just some pathetic little bitch who picked it up on a whim."

Disappearing down the corridor, Shisai could find nothing to say or do in return to that, prompting her to turn back to her food and continue eating, a blank expression on her face. Kisame and Deidara had watched everything that had happened in shock at how Hidan talked to her, but didn't know how to react to it. As such, they soon finished their food and tea and left the kitchen, leaving Shisai to eat alone--but that was how she wanted it. She focused completely on each mouthful, not wanting to let any of what Hidan had said to her affect her, until finally Shisai finished and cleaned up afterwards, going to her own room once she was finished.

It was there that everything that had occurred during the day washed over her, and sitting down on the edge of her bed she glared at the floor, furiously swatting away any tears that started to appear. She hated him. For the way he treated her, the way he managed to pick out all of her doubts and worries, the way he acted towards her training. What had she done to deserve it? Even if he was unsure of her, the least he could do was let her try. But he said things like that--and not only did he say it, but in front of the others? Shisai felt totally humiliated, and buried her face in her hands, forcing herself to stay quiet so nobody would hear her. But she couldn't help it. Because every time Hidan said something like that, and there was only one thought that crossed her mind--

He was right.