Ask Fugaku

Fucking up the short stack

Universe: For Humanity

Fugaku's pov

So I've been a ghost for a long ass time, of course, so I know what's up. However, I haven't been a ghost all that long in this giant man-baby cannibal world or whatever the hell this is. Some chick named Nightcore Neko, no she wasn't even a cat so I don't understand, asked me to mess shit up for Levi in Attack on Titan. I'm not sure what an Attack on Titan is, but fucking shit up for Levi sounds lit. I'm always looking to make or break someone's day. So that's why I've kidnapped his wife and firstborn.

"F-Fugaku, I don't th-think this is a g-good idea." Hollow stuttered as I set them down in the dusty ass attic. Like damn this whole place be spotless but I guess he's neglected this part of the castle. I would say it's because he's afraid of heights, but then he wouldn't be able to get on his horse without having a mental breakdown. Yes, I went there, be in awe of my and my burns because they are gr-oo-vy. 

"F-Fugaku-san, wh-what are yo-you looking at?" Hollow questioned. "Fufu!" Jirikai squealed. "Shh, stay here for like two hours. Oh, and make me visible. I have some lives to fuck up." I told her. "T-That's-" I cut her off. "Silence, horse child. This is a request from the other side and if I don't fulfill it, I'll be labeled a pussy." Hollow opened her mouth to say something but I cut her off once more. "Do I look like a pussy, gay-haired child? Because I don't think I do."

I slid on some radical sunglasses. 

"A-Alright." Hollow said, sounding slightly dejected. I fist pumped as she gave me some chakra, giving me the ability to complete my quest. I said thank you, politely because I'm a fucking gentleman, before I ran down those stairs like the attic was on fire. And bitch it might as well have been because I was about to start sobbing to Levi about how Hollow and Jirikai had been sucked into another portal and totally fuck his life. He shouldn't be able to feel their chakra while they're that far up, seeing as he's usually only on the first or second floor.

I slid down the railing with a grim face, landing right in front of Jean. "Move, horse man. News-breaking duty calls." I shoved past him. "Who're you again?" Jean whirled around. "Your worst nightmare, bitch." I drove my elbow back, burying it in his gut. He chocked a bit"O-Oh, you're Fugaku, aren't you?" He wheezed. "No," I turned towards him. "This is Patrick."

I ran off cackling. 

~

"It's horrible!" I screamed, kicking down the door to Levi's office. The man jumped a little, looking up with a scary glare. "What do you want now?" He hissed before he paused. I stood there in all my fake-depressed glory, tears streaming down my face, and my hand on my chest. I'm a hella good actor tho so he believe my ass. "Ah, Fugaku...san. What do you want?" He said, raising an eyebrow. Damn this man is cold. How did my baby fall in love with this shit? He's worse than Sasuke... but low-key hotter and nicer too. And he respects her space.

I can see it.

"H-Hollow and Jirikai," I gasped for air to add a pause. For effect. "Have been sucking back into my world!"

Levi leaped up. "What?!" He screeched, his eyes wide. "Just now! A giant hole!" I stretched out my arms for scale. "Then how are you still here?!" He looked panicked and on the verge of tears. "Because I'm more lit than all ya'll put together!" I cried before pausing. I thought over my words. "Oh... I mean, because I... hid... in the broom... closets?" I tried again. Levi's scared look turned dry, and he looked rather scary. "You... bastard!" Oh my fucking god this hoe has a sWORD WHO THE FUCK CARRIES A SWORD AROUND WITH THEM WHAT THE HELL OH MY GOD THIS DESERVES CAPS LOCK TO BE HONEST-

"Bitch, nah. I ain't toyin' with that shit." I shook my head, turning and rushing out the door, slamming it behind me. "Get back here! You can't die, but anyone with a working brain sure as hell can be traumatized!" Levi roared, kicking the door down. I let out a scream. "Bitch, too late! Too late!" I'm screeched, scrambling up the stairs. This hoe finna gonna give me nightmares if he keeps this shit up! 

"F-Fugaku-san?" Hollow was on her way down. "Sacrifice!" I took the child from her because there is no way I'm throwing a fucking baby. "W-What?" Hollow asked. I used my super strength to pick her up with one arm (I lied I put down the baby and used both) and threw her down those stairs. I then snatched Jirikai up and took off like I was being chased by Satan on a moped scooter. 

"Did I fuck things up?" I looked to the the child for answers.

"Yesh." He said sagely.

I wiped a tear. Wise beyond his years, this one.