I'm laying here. Just staring at my wall. I'm laying here wishing I wasn't alone. Wishing that when I wake up randomly around midnight that the call isn't ended as a matter of
fact wishing the call wasn't needed. Because waking up to your warm touch is better than waking up to the cold embrace of my mostly empty bed. Because where my body inhabits is warm unbearably warm cause it's the warmth of loneliness it's warmth I gave myself . I don't know why I crave you holding me while I sleep cause I hate you doing such when I'm trying to sleep yet the cycle is endless . I need you I want you I hate you I don't want you near me over and over again . All because, not that I hate you, no just the exact opposite . I adore you. I cherish you . I would die for you. But. I can't adore or cherish what isn't here because it feels like a figment of my imagination it feels as though I'm just trapping myself in the illusion of your comfort and that my dear is the worst night mare I will endure tonight. The one where I wake up as though I've gone mad and you're not there to tell me it was just a dream like wonderland....
