I'm encumbered, a feeling I know all too fondly, by the weight of my thoughts, and herself. She's always with me, and I can hear her, speak with her of things that only I and her could think. It's never been that she's a burden, though on occasion I find it's not entirely lovely that she is apart of me every second, I value ever her caress; she buffers my journey.
Through thick, thin and all things indifferent, I feel as one with her voice, smoothly lulling me to a state of serenity. I'm not the type to expel such emotion, rather hard and stoic, but she has a way of providing me the tools of sensitivity.
I suppose the end will come soon enough, and I know now that it may be even sooner than I'd hoped. The idea that I may perish and fade as she will live on does haunt me so, as I further my quest. Dangers seem more treacherous; I don't want to lose her.
It's in this last little while that I have failed. I lost her. My feet wobbled with uncertainty, moving forward as I always did. If there were ever a time to sit and think, I'd gladly partake. To think of her speech, a constant, my one constant.
I suppose I'll never know whether she'll return. She may very well have evaporated into the air, her indigo skin vanishing coolly into the sky, it's not a thought I want to believe...
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The road ahead seems dark. There's something I have to do and I'm on my way already. The metallic slabs beneath my vehicle are falling, the world around me collapsing. Everything is exploding, things are bursting to flame. A physical manifestation of my turmoil. The gut-twisting feeling of worthlessness.
The ramp ahead is crying for me, and I'll meet its beckon. My leap ahead a challenge, as I push the peddle to the floor, eyes closed. The ground escapes the wheels and I feel weightless, tensions finding relief.
With sudden clairvoyance, my eyes awake. Surprise and I met, as uncertainty escaped. The distance narrowed, the ship I had intended to dock was nearing. I never expected such success. It was the single most uplifting moment since she'd gone. I had failed her, failed myself. But I wouldn't fail man.
The skid in was rough. A fishtail sideways, then a lurching halt. I hopped out as quick as possible, and ran to the bomb. I was standing at the gallows, ready to drop. No executioner needed. I was my own.
I didn't ever expect to hear anything, see anything, feel anything ever again. With each input came sounds of activation. I was dangling with the rope around my throat. Struggling, knowing it was not as quick as I had hoped. Then I finished.
The room took on a green glow, a smell of gas swept through. Ten seconds. It wasn't enough time. Not enough to cry, to repent. I huddled in the farthest corner, behind a crate. It seemed futile.
I closed my eyes for the last time...
"Che-" I was no doubt dead. Static buzzed in my ear, a pestering muffle."Are you -- ake?"
My legs were sore, and my hands had lost feeling. It wasn't death as I had pictured. Death smelled of burning, a charred metal.
"Ah, there you are." The voice of an angel entered. Her. "Good to see you made it, Cheif."
This ship had split, like a toothpick snapped in half. We were drifting through the black, bleak space.
My suit was intact but brutalized. Life hadn't given up on me. It had brought kindness, a bittersweet reunion. I heard her voice, and welcomed its resonance. It was with a depressing acknowledgment that I saw my air depleted. I was running on little.
Survival was what I expected in myself, what she expected as well. There were eight cryogenic chambers around me. They were haunting, like another noose. This wasn't death, only a separation. A division that meant farewell, a less spoken than understood goodbye. She nodded with approval and a knot in her throat. My emotion was lost on her through my helmet, but with her knowing eyes, I knew she understood my ache. She toughened and waved.
She was only a virtual figure, standing two feet tall in the air before me. She was always virtual, always in my headset, in my suit. A simple robotic figure, but with a complexity for care and togetherness. She hovered there as I lowered into the fifth cryo-chamber.
"Cortana. Wake me when you need me."
