Roommate Scars

Back to the UK

Month Later...
So today I'm going back to Maz's for the month. I didn't wanna stay a week or for a little while, I wanted to be around him a lot more.
I wake up and I get ready to leave for the plane ride. I was moving really fast and rushing because I always seem to leave things I really need.
X: Aye, relax... you over here running like Flash in this bitch
Me: I'm just rushing and tryna look right
X: You're beautiful
Me: Aww that was sweet
X: Now that I've gassed your head, slow down
Me: Eat my ass
X: Alright
Me: Nigga move.
...
Arrived in UK 🇬🇧
Texting Maz...
Me- Ok, Maz I'm here
Maz- I'm in the parking lot, I see u
Me- Ok I see u too, I'll be over there in a sec
Maz- Nah I'm coming up
Me- Ard, thx 💓
I typed smiling..
I hoped in his car and he just looked at me. I was happy and excited of course. I got my baby, and I missed him so much, even though I text him about everyday.
Maz: Why you so happy?
Me: Because I'm with you, am I supposed to be mad?
Maz: Well ya gonna be in a lil bit
Me: Why is that?
Maz: You'll see
Me: You're scaring me, stop
Maz: I don't wanna tell you now, but once we get in the house we can talk, all of us.
...
We get in his apartment and I see Chandler looking at me meanly.
Me: Hey, Chan
Chandler: ....
Me: Did I do something? Maz?
Maz: Yea about that... umm Me and her are...
Dating.
Me: Oh... so you did have feelings for her.
Maz: Not initially but they just came and grew.
Me: I understand, I just wished I would've known before flying here.
Maz: Why?
Me: Because I bought you this necklace that said 'mine'.
Maz: I'm sorry but-
Me: It's fine, you shouldn't be sorry for feeling. I'm not mad.
Maz: You aren't, because the Rain I know would be pissed at me...
Me: *breathes heavily* I'm good.
Maz: Okay? Well let's go pack your stuff...
Me: Before we do, did you and her have sex in that room, or even on that bed?
Maz: Okay maybe not that room.
Me: The only thing left is the couch and I know y'all probably did it there too.
Maz: Yea. Then... I don't-
Me: I get a hotel.
Maz: You don't-
Me: No, it's cool I'll get one.
Maz: Well at least let me pay for it.
Me: Oh you are, thanks.
I get my stuff and head over to a hotel close by.
...
After the ride and getting in the hotel, I felt weird. I felt like I just got dumped. I get I've been messing with X and I did once with Wifi, but seeing him and Chandler made me feel like a side piece, or a hoe. Do I really got to be the hoe in both situations? Why?
I guess it's my fault but where does that leave me and my feelings...
I'm can't hold them back anymore especially since Maz had a girl now, I have feelings for X.
X is so fine 💓 , he's sweet, funny, charming, and has been there for me as if we've been friends forever, but I knew that the feelings I had were way deeper than a friendship.
So I texted him.
Me- Bruh
X⚰️💓- What?
Me- Remember Chandler?
X⚰️💓- They're dating aren't they
Me- Yes....
X⚰️💓- You feel like shit...
Me- Yes
X⚰️💓- Ya need some dick
Me- Sadly, yes 💀
X⚰️💓- Well you're pretty, it can't be hard to find some.
Me- Maybe I don't wanna find some...
X⚰️💓- You can't go after Maz...
Me- Not Maz.
X⚰️💓- Wifi has a girl too.
Me- Not Wifi.
X⚰️💓- Than who?
Me- Are you serious? You don't see who else it could be?
X⚰️💓- I do but you know I can't be dating
Me- But why?
X⚰️💓- Because I care about you and if I do date you... I might hurt you
Me- "might"
X⚰️💓- Most likely
Me- Well I'm not like most of the girls you fuck with, well I hope not...
X⚰️💓- If you and I were mentally right, I would say yes but I can't right now.
Me- Gn
Seeing that made my heart sunk and I couldn't hold back any tears. The guy I fell in love with has a girl and that is my best friend has a girlfriend and my crush isn't 'mentally right' and I just feel like a whore.
I fucked my best friend and my crush and now that doesn't mean anything. I regret even telling X and letting him hit. When we first had sex I knew it was wrong but that didn't stop me from doing it over, and over and over.... etc. I fell for him. I pushed Maz back in that friend zone to the point where I fell for someone else. I just cried in my room, in the dark listening to music.
Then out of no where Drake plays...
I haven't listened to them him in forever, I stopped once More Life came out, his music, personality or at least the Drake I knew changed. But this song was my favorite...
"I'm just saying you can do better..."
Marvin's Room
"Fuck that nigga that you think you've found, and since you picked up I know she's not around" I sang changing the lyrics to connect with my situation.
I now feel stuck... I gotta be here for a month and on top of that if I wanted to leave where would I go? I don't wanna be near X right now and my family isn't the best place to be around. I don't hate them but they aren't so accepting well my parents and it's far. They live on the East side. I'm from Florida and when I was around 3 my parents moved us to Maryland and they made my sister. I moved to the U.K. and was tryna get away.
My parents didn't necessarily move me to the U.K. I kinda asked my Grandma to take me and she took my for my birthday and she enrolled me into a school and took care of me until I was illegible to take care of myself.
I missed her because she was one of the family members who cared about me and not about what I am.
...
It's 5pm and I hear a knock. It's dark because I closed the blinds and turned off the lights, I didn't wanna see anything. I opened the door with some dark shades on, I could see who it was.
Me: I don't wanna be bothered.
?: Are you okay Rainy?
Then I realized it was Maz.
Me: Oh Maz, yea I'm fine.
I said putting on a fake smile.
Maz: Are you lying to me?
Me: No.
Maz: Ya did it again.
Me: Ok yes.
Maz: What's wrong?
Me: I really don't wanna talk about it. I wasn't playing when I said I didn't wanna be bothered.
By this time he was sitting on the edge of the bottom of my bed and I was in my bed.
Maz: Who did it?
Me: Maz I'm serious I don't wanna talk about it, please.
Maz: No because I know you were crying and it sucks because usually when you cry you need a shoulder to lay on and you didn't even talk to me?
Me: Maz can you let it go, I already feel sucky enough and I'm gonna feel even worse if I say it out loud to you.
Maz: Was it X?
Me...
Maz: Was it me?
Me:....
Maz: Was it your family?
Me: No.
Maz: Oh so the ones you didn't answer are the reasons.... I'm sorry and what did X do?
Me: Marius Please!
Maz: I came here for a reason... I came here to make sure you were okay and you're not.
When he said that a tear fell down my cheek.
Maz: Rain... talk to me please.