always. | park woojin

1. the first heartbreak.

Waking up every day to the love of your life right beside you, is probably the best feeling to experience. Falling asleep on his shoulder while watching your binge-worthy television shows, with his fingers running through your hair, his soft but raspy humming to your favourite song, his other free hand playing with your little fingers. Maybe, him, walking past the favourite café and getting you a cup of mocha latte without you asking. Or just when he steps out of the shower and ruffles his hair as you looked at him and smiled from the couch as you ate your quick breakfast.

Maybe it was the sound of raindrops on your window as he lied on your lap while playing games on his phone. Or maybe it was just.. Him. It was everything wonderful and beautiful that was the best feeling to experience. Days with your ideal and perfect partner was like spring every day, and never has once you felt winter until the day you two were separated came that eventually made you icy cold.

Probably it was the voice that picks up your calls, saying 'Yes baby?'.. Or probably the best feeling was when you were able to see him every single day and feel comfort, friendship, family and home whenever you were with him. But really though, maybe the best feeling to encounter was just being in love with him.

And you sit there crying alone on the bed he was just lying with you on, remembering all that you went through with the love of your life. Wondering what went wrong and what made it the end of your story when only sweet and happy memories were recalled and never the bitter times.

"I love you. Always." He said as he.. left you.

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"I love you, Woojin. Please. Don't leave me." I held his hand, begging for him not to leave. I begged and begged while I cried my eyes out and felt as if my soul was being taken away.

"I'm really sorry. I love you. Always." The only words he said as he disappeared from me, from us.

I felt my heart break into pieces. I felt as if all my high spirits came crashing down. All the beautiful things about love, about being in love with Woojin burned into ashes. I would never fall in love ever again, after losing the love of my life. I wished I had him all for myself more often, I wish I was selfish enough before to never had let him out of my sight. And now I'm the one hurting after losing him.

Am I going crazy? Am I going crazy over a break-up? I think I'm losing my mind. I can't eat, I can't sleep. I can't eat without seeing him play with his food in front of me, pissing me off by treating food like that. I can't sleep because I'm hugging my pillow instead of snuggling in his arms, his warmth beside me. I can't do anything because I'm used to doing everything with him. I can't look at my phone anymore knowing that there isn't any chance that he was ever able to call me again, his soft but raspy voice asking me, "Hello baby, what are you doing now?" or a random text at any hour saying, "I miss you, babe."

And god, I miss you more than ever Park Woojin. It gets easier but it has never been easy. It's been a long 2 years since you left me, since the last time I heard you say that you'd always love me. I miss you, Woojin. I really do.

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