No love allowed

My name is jasmine monae Catherine harris , I'm 16 with brown , smooth Carmel complexion . I have hazel eyes I'm 5'7 with a big butt and medium sized boobs . I got a fade on the back of my head and the top is usually in a messy curly bun . I want y'all to hear my story of how it all started , growing up I never felt real love how it was supposed to feel like . My dad worked a dead end job barely providing and no mom around .. for reasons .. I had my hustle on the side tho . selling rocks , Reggie's that d boy shit . I thought I had life all figured out but my past troubled me .. a couple years back when I was about 6 my cousin asked to babysit hed lick me in places and so things to me of course it felt good but being that little my body couldn't handle all that , I wasn't ready I know it wasn't right id tell him to stop and he threaten me of lying to my dad about something I didn't do see my dad was strict he'd beat the shit out if me if he knew I was acting up and tell me it's only because he loved me , I started to question love does love involve physical pain , what this so called love he has for me I didn't want it .. It went on for a while I remember growing balls finally able to tell on him I didn't care what it cost me I was ready for all this to be over I wanted to be a normal girl all I asked . so when I told he accused me of touching his privates I remember sitting down being questioned if I was lying , if I had a alibi , how lying is a sever offense in the court of law , see the thing was he never Inserted or tried to go in me so there was no sign of any rape or molestation . when I decided to fight back I failed I started wondering why the world was so called . I remember being watch closely not allowed to play with the other children that hurt so much that's one of the factors contributing into my lack of a social life