still here

new years

it was the last day of december, also known as new years eve. the day started off foggy and windy, not how i expected it to be. I didn't wanna get out of bed, and already regretted waking up in general, but i managed to get up and start my day. I had family over, my aunt was making food. I didn't understand why this day was celebrated.

the day progresses, He comes home early because rain messed up his work schedule. He does not speak, just walks straight to His room. He has an excuse to drink viciously today without judgement, and he takes advantage of that.

i was in my room when i heard screaming. one of my younger cousins came running down the hall, passed my room, and out the front door. "Leave now!" he cried.

I sucked in small amounts of air and grabbed some clothes from the floor, my phone, and shoes. "I-I'm gonna go to a friends house okay, i think you should do the same." I say to my dad. As i slipped on my right shoe, i see His sister run passed my window, she's crying and fumbling with the gate lock, she manages to get it open and runs out. My knees turn weak, i use the remaining strength in me to get out of the house.

He was always an angry person, but man, when He drank, He was a monster, to say the least.

It's pouring outside, i turn on the brightness on my phone and begin to call everyone on my contact list to see if they could pick me up. since it was new years eve, many of the people i knew had things to do. i sighed and called "erin" my ex...he was the last person i called.

"hey, it's okay, just breathe. I'll be there as fast as i can.." erin said

the lump in my throat became unbearable, i let the tears flow down my face, what difference did it make? It was already raining. the warmth of my tears was somewhat conforting.

I stood outside for a good twenty minutes until erin and his mom picked me up. "you're soaked" erin's mom said.

i looked down at my shoes, they were muddy and dirtying up the car. I looked at the CD collection behind the driver's seat. i read through the artist's names and tried to distract myself. I listened to the rain as it violently fell onto the car and everything around me.

we arrived after what seemed like an hour of driving. erin looks at me and opens my door, i get out and try to force a smile.

i walk in and let the warm environment consume me. his cats were never too fond of me, that made me giggle, it came out like a cough though.

I stood there, erin came back from upstairs and told me to come with him. he had a mattress laid out for me, between his room and his parents room.

his dad was out and his mom was in the kitchen making lasagna. I sat on the loveseat. my sweater was itchy and clingy, i felt uneasy. erin goes into his room, i stay sitting, with my forhead in my hands, and my elbows resting on my legs. I didn't care if it was an awkward way of sitting, i was out of it in every way.

he returns, he drapes this thin but warm blanket around my shoulders. "I've missed you." erin says softly.

i laugh. he tries fixing my hair. "Oh uh, my hair's blue now." I say, he laughs. his right hand strokes my cheek, but continues to go down..from my neck to my breast. "Hey what are you--"

"shh, my mom's down stairs." erin says

"erin please st-stop."

he begins to unbutton my pants. "erin" i whisper, very very softly. I stand up and walk backwards towards the stairway, he pins me on the bed.

"this isnt why i came here."

I began to cry, this time it didnt feel like I could ever stop.

"Happy new years" he says