chapter 1

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IMPORTANT 2022 NOTE: I apologise in advance for the use of the n word in this book. I am white and obviously shouldn't use it but to make the characters seem natural I used it. I wrote this book years ago and since I'm more educated now, I decided to reread this and fix some wrongs that I did.

"X gets out of jail today!" My friend Demitri yelled throughout the homeroom class.

I leaned over and whispered, "what?"

"xxxtentacion. Some rapper who beat his girlfriend. Hear, listen to one of his songs." He said, taking out his phone and earplugs, waiting a minute before handing me one part of it and sharing it to listen.


It was pretty calm calm and deep this song, the guys voice is raspy but very clean like. I instantly fell in love with the song. Better yet, this guys voice.

I speak about 4 different languages, excluding English.

Why randomly add that fact in? Well when Demitri told me the artists' name, Tentacion in Spanish is 'temptation'. Xxx is obviously sex. To finish up this fact I know Spanish, thus means I know a lot of Italian because they're both pretty similar. I also am a pro in Russian and German. Not to brag but who the fuck doesn't brag?


"What's this song called? I really like it." I ask him looking at his phone.


"It's called 'Never'." He answers, "I should get you to listen to him more." I nod and smile showing him I agree.


My friends are pretty jealous I'm basically best friends with Demitri, mostly because he's pretty popular throughout the whole high-school. When we were all in 9th grade, he was popular throughout the grades above us because he's pretty hot I'll admit, and tall. And cuz mostly at the time there was only 5 other black kids in the whole grade lmfao.

And because black/mixed guys are pretty sexy. I am who doesn't agree??


Anyways we're in 12th grade now at the start of it. Beginning of the year. whatever. Demitri started noticing me more at the middle of 10th grade. Mostly because that's when I started wearing makeup, legit dyed my hair basically black, got a few small tattoos on my fingers and I got pretty fine ass nape undercut.


Well throughout the whole homeroom time we both just sat there and listened through a playlist of X's songs. They're pretty hard, and bass boosted but I love that. They're so unique and this dude prolly unique too.

But anyway, me and Demetri are friends yes, but at least once a day we do harmless flirting. Like playing around a bit and I giggle of course, kinda holding hands and yadda yadda all that.

We were kind of holding hands under the desk the whole time too.


Um well when the bell rung we walked to class together. It was math class, pretty shitty subject. We had assigned seats and I didn't sit anywhere near Demitri. I usually don't pay attention to this class, so I go on my phone and look up who xxxtentacion really is.

"Jahseh Dwayne Onfroy." I whisper to myself, reading out his full name.


"Hey Leilahni what are you doing?" This guy, Jake who is my friend asks. Damn this ugly ass can get annoying. But I flirt with him from time to time in this class because Demitri isn't where I sit. His goofy ass is all the way on the other side of the room.

I get bored.



"Screw off." I mumble, not even looking at him once.


I read that Jahseh is 19, kind of surprising me. Looking like that, I thought he'd be 20 something. He's only 2 years older than me. It makes me smile, stupid hormones.

He lives in Florida, and I only live a state away, in Georgia.

I was originally from North Carolina, I lived there from 10 years old to 13. Then during the summer of going to my freshman year, I moved to Georgia where I live now.

I was born in New York and stayed there till I was 10.


Anyways enough about my crap. I'm pretty interested in this X guy, it kind of gives me hope. I know this guy is depressed, his fighting something severe. I am too, I don't look like it or act like it but I am.

For my 13th birthday, as I blew out the candles, I wished to die at the age of 18.

I'm currently 17.

None of my friends know, not even my family or even Demitri. They just think I'm a normal girl. On the inside I'm a girl with severe depression, suicidal thoughts and bipolar issues. I hide it all well. But listening to X's music brings all that out and gives me relief. I feel like I have a connection with him, even though he doesn't know who I am.

Now I have edited my goal in life.

Fly to Florida when I'm 18, to meet xxxtentacion. As soon as I have met him, I'll kill myself.








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sorry for this shit chapter but eh oh well

I decided to make a second x book cuz I found this whole fanfic of him in my notes from a year ago an it only goes till like 10 chapters I think so Ima just have to add on later

Anyways I'll put up characters soon so please share this trash book with everyone you know tysmm

byeee

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