The Break-Up List

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I am sobbing hysterically in front of him. It's as if, I am just dreaming. We were good, so damn good, so how on earth we ended up in this freaking situation? Everything felt surreal. I just can't believed that he just broke up with me. He was my first boyfriend and my first in everything. He made me believe in forever. He was the guy I gave up everything. He was the guy I risked everything for. 

My friends told me that he's up to no good. That a guy like him is never meant to fall for someone like me. He's unreachable daw but I did get him, didn't I? And all for the wrong reasons. I should have known that everything is too good to be true. 

But despite everything, I've fought for him. I was there for him. Tinuloy ko even though my guts are telling me na from the very beginning our love story was already doomed kasi mahal ko, e. Pero kasi kahit pala binigay mo na lahat, hindi pa din enough 'yon. I even let him made me his secret girlfriend and still I'll never be enough for him.

I am still crying, my heart can't take any more of this bullshit. 

"Why, Reed? May mali ba ako? May kulang ba sa akin? Sabihin mo please, wag ganito. Hindi ganito. Please." I touched his face. I have this urged of kissing him, too but he roughly pushed me aside. 

Kulang nalang lumuhod ako sa harap niya. 

Damn. That hurt so bad. Parang kailan lang, he's always the one who initiates the kiss pero ngayon kulang nalang sabihin niya right in front of me how much he doesn't want me anymore. Hindi naman ako tanga talaga pero choice kong magpakatanga. Ganun naman kapag nagmamahal ka, yung rational side mo, biglang nawawala. 

He looked at me for the first time. He looks so cold. Parang wala siyang pakialam kahit nasasaktan na ako dito. He used to be my anchor pero ngayon siya mismo ang lumalaglag sa akin. The hypocrisy.

"Macey, listen to me. Tapos na tayo. Okay? Wala nang tayo." He looked at me with those eyes. Those eyes that I love seeing with first thing in the morning. Those eyes I've accustomed to known so well. Those eyes I've grown to love. And those pair of eyes that are so mesmerising I can't handle to look at.

With tears still running down my face, I continue asking him. "Ganun nalang, Reed? After everything? We've sacrificed a lot for this relationship tapos itatapon mo nalang nang ganun ganun? Can't you at least give me a more acceptable reason?" 

He sighed and pull his hair. Gawain niya yon whenever he's frustrated. "Ayoko na sayo, e. Nagsasawa na ako sayo and besides tanggapin nalang din natin yung reality na hindi na talaga tayo magwowork."

I can't believed what I just heard from him. Napapailing na tumingin ako sa kanya. Nakakagago yung reason niya. "That's it? Ganun nalang talaga 'yon Reed?"

Naiirita na tumingin siya sa akin. Huminga niya ng malalim. This time, I caught some emotions in his eyes I couldn't quite figure out pero bigla ding nawala yon at napalitan na naman ng malamig na tingin niya. "Yes. And please, tigilan mo na ako."

And just like that, he left.  Was it that easy leaving me?  

I guess, cruel words, are the only way he could end this relationship because his loving words were never for me, they were her's.

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