How Could You

In and Out

If you didn't talk to Dean now, you probably never would. You were too frustrated, too confused. You left your room and went to Dean's, knocking on his door. He almost immediately answered, opening the door and inviting you in. "I'm sorry for what I said about you," you told Dean. "But I'm not going to accept your apology for what happened back in the dungeon."
"I can respect that." Dean nodded. Silence. For a good few minutes. "I meant what I said," he finally added.
"When? About what?" You never knew what he meant anymore.
"Back there. About how I thought I was in love with you three years ago."
You snickered. "You were never in love with me. You let me stay with you for two weeks, we went on a hunt, that was it," you told him.
"Not to me. It meant more to me than it did to you. Before you even went to that bar."
"How? Dean, it was two weeks," you argued.
"Yeah, and in those two weeks I took care of you. And I didn't feel so alone, for once in my life. Especially after I had lost my brother," he retorted.
"So just because you took care of me for two weeks made you fall in love with me?" you asked.
"No, [Y/N], that's not the point. When I took care of you, I got to see the person you really were. The person outside of hunting. The person you'd be if none of this crap existed. And seeing that made me want to get out. I thought I was in love with you because I was in love with the idea of a normal world."
"Yeah, well, we don't live in a normal world. And we can't get out of this life," you muttered.
"I know that."
"Dean, you're not in love with me," you said sternly. He didn't say anything. "Dean."
"I don't know how I feel about you, okay? I don't even know if I'm capable of love, honestly. Not that kind, at least. But there is something about you," he said.
"No there's not, Dean. So just get it out of your head. You're not in love with me, okay?" You had to convince him of at least that. Otherwise you wouldn't be able to set any boundaries.
"[Y/N]-"
"No. Just stop. We are nothing but colleagues. Friends, at the very most. Got it?" You didn't know if you should even mention Sam. Would knowing make him angrier? You were met with more silence again. "Dean!" you tried to grab his attention by raising your voice. "Friends. No benefits, no sappy emotions. Just friends. I need you to understand that."
"I understand the concept, I just don't understand why," he said.
Now you were silent. You could've made any excuse you wanted. Instead what came out of your mouth was the truth. "I think I like Sam."
His face was more confused than anything. "You like Sam? What does that even mean?" You could tell he was playing dumb more to protect himself.
"Romantically," you said. "As in I'm interested in potentially being in a relationship with him."
Now there was anger. "If he'll have you," Dean spat, as if it were implausible.
"Actually, Dean, he's interested in me too. Sorry that's hard for you to believe," you snapped back.
"What, so you're gonna fuck me then fuck my brother, is that your angle?" Okay, now he was too angry. So angry he was saying things he didn't mean.
"Dean, that's not what it's about. The night we spent together was a mistake that never should've been made and you know that."
"No, how do I know that?" Dean questioned.
"Because I was drunk!" you yelled. "We were drunk! Neither of us could give consent, Dean! And you think that's okay?! You think that's a good way to start a relationship?! Because I don't. So get over it and stay out of my business." You stormed out, leaving Dean to think about what you had just said.
Now you just had to decide how much time to give Sam. How much time to give yourself. Was it a good idea to just walk right on into his room and act like nothing happened? Would he even let you? Even so, you didn't want to make the mistake of moving too quickly. You didn't want him to feel like Dean, and you didn't want you to feel like he was Dean.
~~~
You were at the bunker waiting for the boys. They wouldn't let you come with them while Dean redid the first trial, and you agreed that it was probably for the best. Not because they were worried anything bad would happen to you, but because it was personal for them, and you respected that. And even after three months, things were still awkward with all three of you in the same place at the same time- so you stayed behind. For the best.
But as soon as they walked through that door, Dean looked exhausted. You tried not to worry, that is, until Dean stumbled and fell down the stairs. "Dean!" you shouted, flying out of your chair in the library and running over to the bottom of the stairs. Sam panicked almost as fast as you did, but was careful not to fall himself.
"I'm fine," Dean grunted through his teeth.
"No you're not!" you yelled at him. "Don't even try that shit with me," you muttered as you and Sam lifted him up and carried him to his room. "I take it it worked?" you asked as you helped lay Dean down in bed.
"Yeah, it worked," Sam said.
"Guys, I'm fine. Just get out and let me go to sleep," Dean told you.
"You're not fine," you and Sam said sternly at the same time.
"Then let me get some rest. It's not like the two of you aren't gonna talk about me anyway," Dean argued.
"Fine," Sam replied, and walked out the door.
"Dean, what happened?" you asked. "Why is Sam so mad at you?"
"Because I won't stop doing the trials, what do you think?" Dean sassed. "Stop acting like you care and run to your new boyfriend."
"Why don't you stop acting like a child because I'm not involved with him?" you retorted. "We're not five. Even if I was in a relationship with him you'd need to get the fuck over it because I honestly don't understand why you're upset anymore. You don't like me like that."
"It's not all about you. Just leave," Dean said, kicking you out this time.
You met Sam back in the kitchen. "He hates me," you said, sitting at the breakfast table with him.
"You're not the only one. It's just the way the trials are making him. Especially since this is the second round," Sam replied.
"Are you sure it's not my fault?" After a short pause you said, "I know it's not all about me, I just... I can't help but feel some kind of resentment from him towards me."
Sam sighed and placed his hands on the table in front of you, and you instinctively reached to hold them. "It's not you. I promise." He looked into your eyes. "If it were, he'd confront me about it. Trust me."
"Wait... how do you know I told him I liked you?" you asked hesitantly.
"Because he told me to stop wasting my time beating around the bush with you just because you guys had drunk sex three years ago. He said you're an amazing woman and he'd be glad to see us together."
"You're bullshitting me," you said, and Sam smiled. "He didn't say that."
"You can ask him yourself if you don't believe me. Or maybe you don't believe me because I left out the part where he told me to hit that." Sam winked.
You couldn't help yourself from laughing at that, pulling your hands away gently. "Did he really?" you asked once your giggles had subsided. Sam nodded and stood up, walking around to your side of the table. "Sam..." you started before you realized you didn't know what you wanted to say.
"Come on. I want to take you out. Dean's asleep anyways." He held out his hand to help you up.
"Where are we going?" you asked.
"Somewhere we don't have to talk about Dean," Sam told you. "I know it sounds horrible, but I've worried about him enough today. Anything else at this point is unproductive."
Once you got up, Sam took you out to the garage, where he had caught you daydreaming about the oldies cars. "You're not gonna make fun of me, are you?" you asked suspiciously.
Sam chuckled. "No. No, Dean and I made our own little drive-in. Come on, I'll show you." Sam went to turn on a projector and the two of you sat in the Impala.
"No offense, but the Impala's not as nice as some of these other beauts," you said. Sam wrapped his arm around your shoulder and pulled you closer to him as the movie began. "So what are we watching?" you asked.
"Shh. You'll see," Sam playfully whispered.
"Saaaam," you whined, turning to face him. After a few seconds he turned to look back at you, and you couldn't help yourself. You leaned in and pressed your lips to his, placing your hand on his chest. What started as a soft kiss quickly became a makeout session, and you had no clue what movie was playing because you weren't paying a lick of attention. After allowing Sam to introduce tongue, you reached up and threaded your fingers through Sam's hair. He, in turn, wrapped his free arm around your waist and squeezed your hip, eliciting a moan from you. "You tryin' to get me into bed?" you murmured through the kiss.
"Not if you don't want to," he murmured back, kissing down your neck.
"I just don't want to move to fast," you whispered.
He pulled back. "[Y/N], it's been over three months, I think we're allowed to start an official relationship."
"I know... I know, I'm just... worried about making the same mistake twice," you admitted.
Sam cupped your face in his hand. "Are you really still comparing me to Dean?" He didn't sound angry, more concerned than anything.
"I didn't mean it that way. I know that you're nothing like him. I know you and I met under different, although similar circumstances. I also know that we didn't have drunk sex that first night we hung out at the bar together. And we've hung out almost every day, whether it's hunting or something a little more enjoyable. I know it's been over three months Sam, and that we're allowed to start our relationship. I just... I worry. I worry it might not be real, or that it'll all get ruined..."
"You think Lido's still in your head," Sam concludes for you.
"Not quite. I just have a bad feeling about everything that went down. It was too easy."
"Hey, let's not worry about that," Sam tells you, kissing your forehead. "If something comes back up, I'll be with you to the end. I'm not letting you go that easy. Not like Dean did three years ago."
You smiled, a tear falling from the corner of your eye. "Okay," you whispered before kissing Sam again.
Once you had fooled around long enough that it was clear you wanted to have sex, and after pondering just doing it in Baby, the two of you made your way to Sam's bedroom. As soon as the door was shut, you yanked Sam's shirt off, finally getting to see his torso in its unbloodied, uninjured glory. After that you were quick to undress each other on the way to the bed.
"Wait, I wanna take my time with you," Sam said breathlessly once he was on top of you. He kissed down your neck, your collarbone, sternum, abdomen. "Wanna make love to you," he whispered before dipping his head between your thighs and lapping at your pussy.
"Oh, Sam," you moaned, reaching up to hold onto the headboard, your other hand tangled in his hair. He ate you out slowly, drawing it out and teasing you as long as he could. The buildup became almost too much, and you felt like you were about to explode. "Sam, baby, get up here and make love to me," you whined, pulling his hair.
He smiled devilishly and crawled back up the bed, lining himself up with you. "But I didn't even get to make you come with my mouth," he teased as you kissed him roughly.
"You can do that later, right now I just want to feel you inside of me," you said through the kiss. You almost immediately felt him pressing against your entrance, silently asking for permission even though you had already given it to him. You wrapped your legs around his waist and pulled him inside of you, gasping at the sensation. Sam let out a grunt before slowly moving in and out of you. "You tryin' to take control baby?" Sam asked as you thrust your hips up to meet his.
"When I'm not drunk I like to be an active participant in the bedroom," you said seductively, rolling the two of you over so that you were on top.
Sam smiled and squeezed your hips, holding onto you as you rode him. "I like it." You leaned down and bit Sam's lip, slowly increasing the pace of your thrusts. He wrapped his arms around you and held you against him. "Lemme do the work now baby," he murmured. His embrace made it hard for you to keep doing what you had been doing, so you just let yourself relax against him as he brought himself in and out of you over and over, as deep as he could.
"Oh, Sam, I'm gonna..." you felt your orgasm build up inside you for what felt like forever. He pulled himself almost all the way out just to slam back into you one last time, enough to pull your orgasm out of you. He worked you through it, and once you came down from your high it was only a couple more thrusts until he came inside of you. Sam pulled out and relaxed on top of you, chuckling. "What?" you asked.
"Hope you're on birth control."
You shook your head.