Living Dystopia

XV.

XV.

"Adrian, my son..."

Napalingon si Adrian sa kanyang ina na sinundan pala siya hanggang sa baba ng hospital. Napakunot ang noo niya pero tumigil din naman siya sa paglalakad at hinarap ito.

"Why?" he asked.

His mom didn't answer but she pulled his wrist until they reached a vending machine. "Please don't leave, Adrian. Your father needs us." she said as she inserted coins to the machine.

His eyebrows furrowed but he didn't protested. Napaupo na lamang siya sa bench sa tabi ng vending machine habang nakatulala lamang sa kawalan.

"Adrian," Napaangat ang kanyang tingin sa kanyang ina na inabutan siya ng in can coffee. Inabot niya naman ito kasabay ng pag-upo ng nanay niya sa kanyang tabi. "I love coffee but, it makes me sick." she says as she open her bottled water. Hindi naman umimik si Adrian at binuksan lamang nito ang latang hawak niya. "I don't want to be sick you know, I don't want to die early. Because I want to be with you."

Napatigil sa pag-inom ng kanyang kape si Adrian at napaisip, 'Saan na naman galing ang sinasabi niya?'.

"I'm not hoping for it, but let's admit it. I already talked to your father's doctor, marami siyang sinabi sa akin. Hindi ko na masyadong pinakinggan lahat, but there's one thing I'm sure of, he's dying..." she said seriously that made Adrian gasped. "Honestly, I wanted to cry. I badly needed to cry, but I shouldn't."

Adrian didn't look at his mother. Prenteng nakasandal lamang siya sa pader habang tinitignan ang mga sapatos ng dumaraang mga tao. "I'm your mother. I shouldn't show to you how everything slowly breaks and crumples me. Nanay niyo ako, mga anak ko kayo. Dapat ipakita ko sa inyong malakas ako. Na kahit wala na ang tatay n'yo ay may nanay pa rin naman kayong masasandalan, maiiyakan. Especially you, my child, I actually don't want you to see me crying, ayaw mo sa ka-dramahan b-but... I just can't help my tears to fall..." and with that, she started sobbing. Doon na napatingin si Adrian sa kanya. His mother keeps on wiping her tears and biting her lip. Pinipigilan niyang umiyak sa harap ng kanyang anak. But pain isn't really that easy to tolerate sometimes. "Kahit anong pilit kong ipakitang malakas ako, alam kong isang mahina at duwag na ina lang ang tingin niyo sa akin. Isang babaeng martyr at walang kwentang ina..."

She's crying, but Adrian couldn't comfort her. He doesn't know how to. Should he hug her? Oh, he never imagined to. When is the last time he hugged his mother? Years passed by like a sudden flip of time, he can't remember it already. Dahil sa pagbubulakbol niya ay hindi niya na namalayang napalayo siya sa magulang niya. Ni hindi niya nga matandaan kung kailan ang huling beses na nayakap niya ito.

Guilt enveloped him again. Seeing his mother crying in front of him and he can't even hug her makes him feel bad. He's been a rebel these years, he's growing up with such attitudes and he didn't noticed, he's already losing his love ones.

"Adrian, ayokong aminin 'to pero, matanda na rin ako, mahina na ako—" Hindi niya na naituloy ang sasabihin niya nang biglaan siyang niyakap ng humahagulgol niyang anak.

With a total guilt he whispered, "M-mom... I'm sorry for being like this... sorry for being such a burden... sorry for being a useless son... sorry for everything... sorry..."

A rebel. A rebel who's been everyone's enemy, an outcast, a tragedy—Adrian, is now crying in his mom's shoulder like a baby. Tila isang batang umiiyak at humihingi ng tawad dahil 2 over 10 ang nakuha niya sa quiz sa kanilang eskwelahan. Isang batang humahagulgol na tila nasiraan ng laruan at gustong magpabili ng bago. His angst is now gone, he's now a baby. He's not the rebel anymore, he's the son.

Patuloy lamang ang pag-iyak niya habang hinahagod ng kanyang ina na pinipigilan din mga luha. Being in his mother arms feels so good. It makes him feel so secured, it makes him comfortable. It makes him realized that he's not living in dystopia. Finally, he already found his genuine comfort zone.

"Sorry because I'm too busy building myself, I didn't notice that you were already breaking. You're already aging."

"Is that an insult?" his mom joked just to lessen the pressure, but it failed. Humiwalay ng yakap sa kanya si Adrian at tumingin nang diretso sa kanyang mga mata.

"I'm sorry."

Teary eyed, his mother replied with a smile. "No, I'm sorry. I let you drowned. I wish it's not already too late. You're still alive, I guess?" she again kidded.

Adrian smiled. "I almost died, Mom. But I'm now okay. How about you? Am I already late to save you? Ah, I guess I am. D-dad..."

Aliyah shooked her head as she reached his hands and hold it tight. She look at his eyes intently while smiling. "You're just in time, Adrian. You could still save him."

"How?"

"Just by being here, by staying, you can already save us." Bagamat naguguluhan ay napatango si Adrian sa kanyang ina. Napatingin siya sa labas ng hospital at nakitang maggagabi na. Yes, he still have time.

"Do something for your dad, Adrian."

-

Baon ang mga sinabi ng kanyang ina, umalis si Adrian sa hospital nang nagmamadali. At first he was confused where should he go, but eventually he realized where he should.

Life is unpredictable. Hindi mo masasabing mangyayari ang mga hindi inaasahan. And no, life isn't short. Actually a life is already a long time to search and find ourselves. Hindi 'to swertehan. Kung hindi patalinuhan at papraktikalan. Lucky those who had found themselves at an early phase. Unfortunately, I got mine when things held profound with things in haywire. The world isn't cruel to you, because all this time you've been cruel to yourself and in everyone around you.

Pagkarating na pagkarating ni Adrian sa apartment ni Gaia ay agad siyang napaupo sa sahig sa tapat ng lamesa sa sala ng dalaga. Habang hawak-hawak ang lapis at nakatitig sa isang malinis na papel, inumpisahan niya ang paglalakbay.

Panandaliang nawala ang gabi sa bokabularyo niya. Inabot siya ng ala una, alas dos, alas tres ng madaling araw. Yes, he's getting tired. But he didn't give up.

Pasado alas tres na nang natapos niya. His fingers are still shaking and his nape is aching. Maging ang mga mata niya papikit-pikit na, pero nagawa niya pa ring ngumiti sa ginawa niya. Pero habang nakangiti ay wala sa sariling nawalan siya ng malay dahil sa antok.

The sound of his ringing phone wake him up at eight in the morning. He smiled when he saw that it was his mom who's calling. But what he heard erased the tint of curve on his lips.

"He's gone."

***